You Are My Heart
by talfe'anhar
Summary: This is basically a continuation of "Soul Bond". Kirk and Spock continue to deal with being soul mates. It isn't always easy! Based on Star Trek 2009 and Star Trek Into Darkness. I own nothing. For entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.
1. Chapter 1

Spock was trying to teach Jim Kirk how to do a mind meld. The lessons weren't going well. He pushed Jim's fingers away from his face and rubbed his own forehead.

"What?" Jim asked. "What did I do wrong this time?"

"You must learn to still your mind. We can accomplish nothing until you do."

"Spock, I'm trying! I don't know how to do it!" Spock wondered which of them was more frustrated; himself, trying repeatedly to teach his friend what to him was second nature, or Jim, who couldn't seem to master even the most rudimentary of telepathic skills. T' Pela had said that because he and Jim were soul mates, Jim would be able to learn. Spock was beginning to think that perhaps T' Pela had overestimated Jim's abilities.

Spock blew out a breath and looked at his friend. "I have been trying to teach you how to do it. It is a simple process."

"Not for me it isn't! I'm human, remember? I wasn't born knowing how to do this. What do you want from me?"

"I want you to learn to still your racing thoughts. Being inside your mind is like being inside a tornado. Ideas, thoughts, feelings, all rushing around at warp speed. It is giving me a headache." Spock got up from the couch and went to the french doors which opened to the veranda of Jim's apartment. Once outside, he took a deep breath and let the cool, damp breeze flow over him. He was disappointed in himself for losing patience with Jim, but the man could be unbelievably frustrating at times. Jim had a genius-level intellect, but his mind was undisciplined. He was impatient, impulsive and reckless. He wanted everything right now, and resisted taking the time and proper steps to really learn something.

Spock took a few more cleansing breaths and worked to dispell the frustration he felt. He very much disliked feeling anything negative toward Jim. The man was his best friend and his soul mate. He loved him unconditionally. Unfortunately that love did not preclude getting frustrated or down right angry with him.

He turned and went back inside. Jim was still sitting on the couch, staring at the carpet, seeming to ignore Spock's return to the room. Spock stood waiting for his friend to speak. Finally Jim looked up at him.

"What the fuck good does it do to be soul mates if we can't even communicate? I thought this bonding was gonna make things better for us. Seems to me like it's just making it worse."

Spock sat down beside his friend. "Jim, I know this is incredibly frustrating for you as well. But while we are having problems with the mind meld, we do not have trouble communicating. It is only in this single area that we are experiencing difficulty."

"But this is the most important area. If I'm your soul mate, and you're mine, shouldn't it be easier for us to do this?"

"Not necessarily. As I have stated before, if you were Vulcan..."

"But I'm not! I'm just a head-blind human. Inferior to you, obviously..."

"I have never said that you are inferior. You are making this more difficult with your negative attitude."

"Fuck. Maybe I shoulda died for real this time."

Spock was rendered speechless. He could not believe Jim would say such a thing. Too quickly for him to get a grip on it, his frustration turned to anger. If Jim thought he would sit here and listen to such nonsense, he would have to think again. He got up from the couch and started toward the kitchen.

"Spock, wait! I'm sorry, I don't mean that. Spock, come on, don't leave!"

Spock grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair in the kitchen. He shot Jim a glare that could have melted metal, and walked out the door.

_xxxxx_

"Shit! God fuckin' dammit!" Jim swore. He wanted to punch something, throw something. "Pointy-eared motherfucker!" All the frustration that had been building over the last few days mutated at warp speed into a blazing anger. He was shaking, his heart was racing and he felt light-headed. Having nothing at which to direct the rage made it worse. Back in the day a man who was this pissed off could punch a hole in a wall. That didn't work in this century. He'd have broken his hand. "Fuck this, I'm outta here." He wasn't supposed to over exert himself, but right now that was the last thing on his mind. He snatched his jacket from the chair he'd tossed it onto when he came in, and followed Spock out the door.

He didn't know where he was going. He just knew he had to get out of the apartment, had to do something. Walk, run, go to the gym and beat the crap out of a punching bag. He had to find a release for this anger and frustration. He stepped out of the turbo lift and headed across the lobby to the street. The fog was holding on today and the wind was chilly. He flipped his collar up and started walking.

_xxxxx_

Spock was walking too, but in a different direction. At this point, for him, the anger had dissipated to the point where he was just annoyed. And puzzled. Was he really expecting too much of his Human friend? Establishing a mind meld was second nature to him, but it wasn't for Jim. That, however, was not what had caused him to leave. It was the comment about dying 'for real this time'. After everything they had been through in the past few months, those were the last words he expected to come out of Jim's mouth. Jim said he didn't mean it. If that were true, why did he say the words? After a few minutes of reflection he recalled that Humans had an annoying proclivity to say things they did not mean. It defied logic. Why say something you do not mean? He answered his own question almost immediately. _It is because Humans sometimes do not know what they mean. _Spock found it difficult to imagine living with such an unordered mind. He considered it a great disadvantage to live in a constant state of mental chaos. But then, Humans were accustomed to the chaos. He had to give them credit for that. Such a mental state would drive him mad, and very quickly.

He arrived at the transport station and caught a shuttle to Alameda. There, he would take another shuttle to space dock. May as well go back to work on the refit. Jim needed a break from his lessons, before the two of them ended up in a fist fight.

_xxxxx_

Jim decided on the punching bag and a workout with weights. He was fully prepared to push himself past his limits, but reason and better judgement won out. He knew it would be worse than stupid to overdo it and make himself sick, just because he was in a bad mood. He took it fairly easy, keeping the boxing session short and not going too heavy on the weights. The physical activity helped to calm him down, and by the time he'd worked up a good sweat, showered, changed and left the gym, he was feeling much more in control. He decided to give McCoy a call and see if he was up for dinner and a drink or two. McCoy took him up on his offer, and now the two were in a booth at one of their usual hangouts, waiting for burgers and sipping beer.

"So where's your pointy eared sidekick tonight?" Bones asked.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since late this morning."

"What, you guys have a lover's quarrel?"

"Bones, don't go there. I'm really not in the mood to talk about Spock right now. And we aren't lovers. We're soul mates. There's a difference."

"Whatever you say. I know more than I want to about that anyway." Bones took a long drink of his beer. "I seem to recall you sayin' Spock was gonna teach you how to do a mind meld. How's that workin' out?"

"It's not. And I told you, I don't want to talk about Spock." Jim picked up his glass and took a sip. "Actually, that's why I don't know where he is. We were working on the mind meld thing this morning. We pushed it too far, I said something stupid and insensitive, and he took off. I haven't heard from him since."

"What did you say that made him leave?"

Jim sighed. "I was really frustrated at not being able to nail this mind meld thing. Spock says it shouldn't be impossible for me to do it, because of our connection, but I'm just not getting it. And of course I'm being an asshole about it, because you know me, I can't just discuss it rationally. So I made the comment that maybe I should have died for real this time." Jim waited for the bomb to drop.

"Oh for God's sake Jim! I'd have walked out on you too. Do you have any idea how ungrateful that sounds?"

"Yes, Bones, I do! I knew as soon as I said it that I had seriously screwed up. I tried to apologize but he wasn't having it. He left, and I don't blame him. I know he'll come back, but that's not the point. I was so pissed off that he left, I thought I was gonna have a stroke. I bet if you'd taken my blood pressure right then you'd have put me in the hospital. Anyway, I went to the gym, and yes, I took it easy. The workout helped. I got over being angry. Now I'm ashamed of myself for being so insensitive."

Just then the food arrived. Jim had half expected not to have an appetite, but once he caught the aroma of the cheeseburger and fries, his stomach growled and he realized he hadn't eaten since this morning and was ravenous. The burger was perfectly cooked, juicy, and delicious. It featured everything a good burger had to have; onions, kosher pickle, lettuce, tomato. The fries were damn good too. He looked up at McCoy. The doctor seemed to concur with his assessment of the meal.

"Jeez, I was starving," Jim said between bites. "I haven't eaten since this morning."

"Don't do that. Skip meals, I mean. Bad for ya. Damn this burger is good."

"Isn't it? I can't eat stuff like this in front of Spock. Well, I can, he says he doesn't mind, but I don't believe him."

McCoy swallowed. "Well then what do you eat? Somehow I can't picture you becoming a vegetarian."

"No, that's not gonna happen. I can get away with seafood when I'm with him. To be honest, a lot of what he eats is pretty good, and nutritionally balanced too. You don't have to eat meat to get enough protein."

McCoy had a mouthful, so he merely nodded. They quit talking and gave their full attention to their meals. When they were down to nibbling the last of the fries, McCoy spoke.

"So you just gonna wait for Spock to show up or call? Or are you gonna go track him down?"

"I've called him a few times but he doesn't answer. I left a few messages. He'll come back when he's ready."

"I'm surprised you haven't paid a visit to the Enterprise."

"You told me I couldn't do that! You told me to stay home and rest."

"I did, but I didn't think you'd listen. Maybe the hobgoblin is rubbing off on you."

_I wish he'd stop calling him that._ "He says I'm rubbing off on him."

"Well, you can go visit the ship. I hereby release you from that limitation."

"Thanks. I'd love to go see her. You ready to get outta here?"

"Yeah. Thanks for dinner."

"No problem."


	2. Chapter 2

Spock was on the bridge of the USS Enterprise, calibrating the sensors at his station. There would be fine tuning to be done closer to the start of the mission, but for now the task was to make sure everything was functioning nominally. He was giving his full attention to his work and didn't notice that someone had walked up beside him. He felt a touch on his shoulder, and knew right away who was there. He looked up.

"Nyota. I did not expect you to be back until tomorrow."

"The seminar ended yesterday. I had my days mixed up. How's the refit going?"

"I am calibrating the sensors for this station. Communications is up and running, but will of course need some fine tuning before we embark on our mission. The new main sensor array has been installed and will be calibrated over the next several weeks. Stellar cartography..."

Uhura put a finger against his lips. "You talk too much."

Spock didn't answer her. Instead, he looked around the bridge to see if anyone was watching, then stood and pulled her into his arms. She stood on tiptoes and kissed him. Spock felt that familiar sensation he got when Nyota kissed him. He stepped back and sat down.

She bent and kissed him again, more deeply this time.

"Nyota, please. This is not the time or place for such activity. It is quite pleasing to see you, but I have work to do."

Uhura smiled. "You started it. FYI, I'm claiming you for tonight, so I hope you and the Captain don't have any plans." Her smile faded when she saw him frown. "What? Is something wrong?"

"Jim is fine health-wise but he and I are not speaking to each other at the moment. It is a long story. If you wish, I will tell you more this evening."

"My place, 7 o'clock," she said. I'll make dinner, and then we'll see where the night takes us." She flashed him one of her beautiful smiles, turned and left the bridge. Spock watched her leave and hoped that tonight he would not be as awkward and uncomfortable as he usually was at the start of one of their 'dates'. Nyota had a disconcerting way of turning his ordered mind to chaos. The physical attraction he felt toward her wreaked havoc on his self control.

_It is pointless to worry over something which has not yet happened_. He gave himself a mental shake and got back to his work.

_Later that same day..._

Spock passed through the door of Uhura's apartment into candlelight and soft music. His eyes swept the room and came to rest on Nyota standing beside him. The soft golden light of the candles danced in her black eyes and turned her skin from mocha to something gold-gilded and exotic. She smiled at him and he felt his breath catch. She wore a loose-fitting, deep purple dress that complimented her skin and floated around her body. She had never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment. It came to him that he should tell her this.

"Nyota, you are... beautiful," he began, almost shyly. "The purple hue of your dress compliments your skin color. The subdued light in this room further accentuates your beauty."

"Thank you. You're looking especially handsome this evening. Come in. Dinner will be ready soon." At this point he caught the scent of whatever she was preparing, and felt his stomach growl. He hadn't realized he was hungry until that moment. She had, as usual, managed to pull him out of his carefully constructed, logical calm and into that mental chaos he'd been musing about earlier in the day. It happened every time they were alone together like this. His heart rate increased, he felt too warm and like something was bouncing around in his abdomen. He fought to regain his composure.

He cleared his throat. "What are you cooking? The aroma is very appealing."

"It's something I found online. It's vegan. I think you'll like it."

"I am certain that it will be... delicious." He sat at the table she'd set for dinner, and watched her move about the kitchen. His mouth was dry. He was about to ask her for a glass of water when she spoke.

"I wasn't sure you'd want anything alcoholic, so I made iced tea. Would you like some?"

"Yes, thank you." She brought him a tall glass filled with amber liquid and ice. He took a large swallow, almost a gulp. The cold tea felt good on his dry throat. He very much disliked the loss of composure he was experiencing. He was trying to analyze it when he realized she'd just spoken and he hadn't heard her.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I asked if you patched things up with Kirk."

"No, I have not spoken to him today. I plan to contact him tomorrow."

"What happened to cause you guys to not speak to each other? If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. I'm just curious."

Spock was having trouble putting a sentence together. He definitely did not want to talk about Jim right now.

"I will tell you what happened, but not right now, if you don't mind."

"No, I don't mind." Nyota started bringing dishes of food to the table. Spock was relieved. If they were busy eating, he would not be required to make intelligent conversation, something he felt ill equipped to do at this moment.

The food was outstanding. Some sort of fluffy grain and a stew of vegetables both Vulcan and Terran. It was a delicious balance of flavor, texture and color. He said as much to Nyota.

"Thank you. When I read the recipe I knew it would be something you'd like."

Over dinner they spoke casually about her seminar, the refit of Enterprise and the current weather conditions in San Francisco. They touched briefly on the aftermath of Khan's thwarted attack on Starfleet Headquarters. The act of eating a meal had relaxed him somewhat. He was still a bit on edge, but felt much more in control. That was, until Nyota got up from the table. He rose, thinking she was about to clear away the dishes and that he could help her. But she put her hand on his and looked up at him.

"No, leave this for now. We'll take care of it later." She stood on tiptoes and kissed him, a deep, passionate kiss that set his blood on fire. He pulled in a ragged breath, swept her off her feet and carried her to the bedroom.

A few hours later, spent from lovemaking, they snuggled together on the bed. Nyota had loosened her long hair and it flowed down her back like a dark river, picking up glints of copper and gold from the candlelight in the room. She lay in the crook of his arm, her leg across his legs. A sheet barely covered them. This was the time he treasured; after all the awkwardness and confusion had given way to passion and the barriers finally dropped. At this point there was nothing left to hide. He relished the pleasant sensations in his body. Humans called it 'afterglow'. He knew it was merely the release that orgasm brought, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. He was brought out of his reverie when she spoke.

"So do you want to tell me what's up with you and Jim?"

Spock took a deep breath. "I have been trying to teach him how to do a mind meld."

"Seriously? I didn't think that was possible."

"Under normal circumstances it would not be, but, according to T' Pela, the soul bond will make it possible for him to learn. Frankly, I have my doubts."

"You don't think he can do it?"

"On the contrary, I am certain he can learn the skill. Learning to still his racing mind is another matter entirely."

"I can see where that could be a problem. But in his defense, that's what makes him a good captain. His ability to think on his feet."

"True, but in order to do a meld you must be able to still your mind and focus. I plan to do some research into how the skill is taught to Vulcan children. Perhaps I can employ some of those techniques to train Jim."

"That's a great idea, but it doesn't explain why your aren't speaking to each other."

"I think I pushed him too hard and we both became frustrated. With his predictable tendency to speak before he thinks, he said something which angered me to the point where I left his apartment. He has tried numerous times to reach me, but it seemed prudent to allow some space between us so that we both may gain some perspective. I plan to reconnect with him tomorrow."

"I hope you don't mind my asking, but how is this soul mate thing working out?"

"It has it's challenges, as does any relationship between two sentient beings. We work through the problems, overcome the obstacles and emerge with a stronger bond. I know it must seem strange to you, Nyota. It is sometimes strange to me as well. But it is a gift we have been given, and neither of us would trade it for anything. It is my hope that we will have your continued support. It means much to both of us."

Nyota propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him. "I told you before, I'm behind you guys one hundred percent. I love you, and I want you to be happy."

Spock pulled her down and kissed her. "I am grateful. And I love you too."

Author's Note: See? I wasn't planning to leave Uhura out of the story. Some of you may think that I'm writing her a little too tolerant and supportive of the bond between Spock and Jim, but I've decided to write her character as an evolved person who can see the bigger picture when it comes to situations like this. Thanks for all your favorites, alerts and reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

The morning sunlight streamed into the apartment from the french doors. In the middle of the living room, Jim was doing Tai Chi, going through the 24 movements deliberately and gracefully. He could do them quickly, as martial arts moves, but preferred to do them slowly. He found it helped him relax and center himself. He'd only started doing them about a month ago. When McCoy had suggested he learn the moves, Jim was skeptical, thinking that he wouldn't have the patience to do them. But in the first days after he'd been released from the hospital, not being able to follow his usual routines and going stir crazy, he was willing to try it. And he found he really enjoyed it. He thought about how Spock would sometimes do this with him. He felt a slight tightening in his chest. He still hadn't heard from his friend after he'd left the apartment two mornings ago and he really missed him. He'd given up trying to reach him. He knew the Vulcan would come back when he was ready. But as was well known to himself and everyone who knew him, Jim was not a patient man.

He gave himself a mental shake. He'd lost track of where he was in the sequence of moves, so he started from the beginning and went through them several more times. When he was satisfied he'd regained his center, he stripped down and took a shower. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do today. He considered going to visit his ship, but decided not to. Spock might be onboard and Jim didn't want it to look like he was checking up on him. Or looking for him. No, he had to let his friend come to him. He really wanted to get out of the apartment, though, so he dressed and left the building.

From his apartment he couldn't see the destruction Khan had caused crashing the Vengeance into the city. He was glad of this. Having gone through his part of it was bad enough, and although he felt for the lives lost and the parts of the waterfront that would take months to rebuild, he didn't want to revisit it.

There was a cafe not far from his home where he would often go for coffee. He headed in that direction, setting a brisk pace along the parkway.

_xxxxx_

A little after midnight, Spock let himself into Jim's apartment. He moved through the darkened living room to Jim's bedroom. In the dim glow of the night light he saw his friend in bed, his back to Spock, sleeping deeply judging from the slow and regular sound of his breathing. The Vulcan stood still for a moment, settling himself, taking in the calm energy around him. It was in sharp contrast to how he felt with Nyota. With her, the energy was frazzled, logic fought with emotion, and sexual attraction threatened to over power his carefully maintained mental clarity. He always enjoyed their lovemaking; the physical pleasure and the feeling of bonding with her was worth the chaos that led up to it. Mostly. But he always left her feeling off balance, and it took a little time to regain his calm center. The day's work onboard the Enterprise, focusing on calibrating sensors and assisting McCoy with the new bio beds had helped immensely. Now he was ready to reconnect with his soul mate.

He stripped down to his undergarments and donned a pair of Jim's pajama pants. The two men were very close in height, weight and build, so Jim's clothing fit him well. He climbed into bed beside his friend, carefully so as not to wake him. As he settled in, he noted the pleasant warmth of Jim's body and the scent of his skin. He took a deep breath and let himself relax. Here, there was no need for pretense or control. He was with the one person he loved and trusted above all others. He was safe.

_xxxxx_

In the slow rise from the deeper realms of sleep, through the moving current of his subconscious, to the surface into wakefulness, Jim became aware of a familiar presence. Eyes still closed, he reached out with his other senses. He knew who was here with him, but he wanted to see what he could feel before looking. The first thing he noticed was the Vulcan's warmer body, and then he became aware of the sound of his breathing. Next he caught his friend's unique scent. Jim pulled in a deep breath and smiled. He turned over to see Spock lying next to him, eyes open, regarding him with a sleepy gaze. Jim glanced at the clock on the nightstand. 3:27AM.

"What time did you come in?" Jim asked.

"A little after midnight. You were sleeping soundly, so I decided not to wake you."

"Spock, I..."

"I know, Jim. I accept your apology, and I would very much like to put the incident behind us."

"Well, so would I, but I feel like I need to acknowledge what an insensitive jerk I was. Just having you accept my apology and then dropping it seems like too easy a way out."

"But there is no need to, beat yourself, up as you say. I must accept blame as well. I pushed you too hard and then became impatient with you. That was unfair. Had it not been for the comment you made about dying, I am sure the incident would not have escalated as it did."

"That's what I feel so bad about. I knew as soon as I said it that I'd screwed up big time. I don't blame you for walking out on me. I deserved it. I left not long after you did. I had to get outta here."

"Where did you go, if I may inquire?"

"First I just walked, and as I was walking I figured out that you had every right to be angry at me. I was angry at myself, much more than I was at you. Anyway, I ended up at the gym. After my workout I called Bones and we went to dinner. How about you? What did you do?"

"I spent the night with Nyota."

"Oh, she's back? How was her trip? Or did you two have any time for small talk?" Jim winked at his friend. He tried to suppress a smile as he saw the look on Spock's face. Vulcans didn't blush, but clearly Spock was embarrassed.

"Nyota made dinner, and we talked, but talking was not high on our list of priorities. And that is all that I wish to say about it."

"I wouldn't expect a Vulcan to kiss and tell. I'm glad you had a good time."

"Thank you for not pressing me for details."

"I can't help but notice that you're the one in a relationship, while I'm... shit, celibate right now. Weird."

"In my experience, you do not have relationships. You have casual affairs and one-night-stands."

"Would you believe me if I told you that whole scene doesn't appeal to me like it used to?"

"No, I would not. I believe that once you are well enough to go skirt-chasing, you will be unstoppable."

Jim laughed out loud. "Skirt chasing? How do you even know that term?"

"Perhaps from spending too much time dodging thoughts whizzing around in your undisciplined mind."

"Ouch. Well, I guess I deserve that. It just sounds funny coming out of your mouth."

"Speaking of undisciplined minds, I have done some research into mind melds. I believe I have found some information which will make it easier to teach you to still your mind."

"Well let's hear it. I'll try anything."

"I will attempt to teach you as if you were a Vulcan child. Vulcan children are not born knowing how to meld. They must be taught. The process is simpler, and therefore easier for a child to grasp. Obviously you are not a Vulcan child, but I feel the techniques will apply nonetheless."

Jim thought about it for a moment. "I have to say, that makes a lot of sense. And like I said, at this point I'll try anything. I hate that I can't meld with you on my own."

"I firmly believe that you will eventually learn. And I apologize for becoming impatient with you."

"Let's just forget it, OK?"

"Agreed," Spock replied. "What are your plans for tomorrow?"

"I don't have any plans. Why do you ask?"

"I thought that perhaps I could take you to visit your ship."

Jim didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He missed the Enterprise a lot, and it touched him deeply to have Spock offer to take him to see her.

"I would love it. But I want you to take the tour with me. She's your ship too, you know."

"Of course. Nothing would please me more."

"Good. Are you staying?" Jim hoped the answer would be yes.

"As I am already in pajamas and settled into bed, it would be illogical for me to leave now."

"Well, yeah, but do you want to stay?"

"Turn onto your other side," Spock said. Jim did ask he asked. Spock put his arm around his friend, pulling him close, spooning him.

"Does this answer your question?"

"Absolutely."


	4. Chapter 4

_No, no, this cannot be happening again... please do not make me relive this... it is too painful... oh, Jim, why are you separated from me now... I cannot help you... I cannot save you... _

_Those eyes, those crystal blue eyes, now wet with tears... he is afraid... he knows he is dying. He is going where I cannot follow him. We have only just come to know each other, come to be friends and now I am losing him... keep looking at me Jim, do not look away. As long as you see me, you are still here. As long as we look into each other's eyes, you are still with me..._

Spock struggled to break free of the dream, the devastating memory of seeing the light go out in Jim's eyes. So much unsaid, so much undone. The friendship that would define them both was not to be, cut short by a madman, sacrificed by a starship captain giving his life to save his crew. Spock wished passionately that it had been he who had made that sacrifice, not his friend. He would be gone but he would die knowing that Jim would live on... was that how Jim felt in those last moments? He said he was scared, and asked Spock to help him not to be. Spock had no answer for him. All of his carefully crafted logic and self control was ripped away in pieces, finally gone completely as he watched his friend die. And as he knelt at the door, feeling as if he'd been turned inside out, all his most protected places exposed, he felt the devastation turn to a raging, seething, white hot anger. He would make Khan pay for what he had done. He had taken his friend from him. He would pay...

"Spock. Spock! Wake up!" Spock was still in the grip of the nightmare. _How can Jim be speaking to me? He is dead, gone. _

He felt himself being shaken. He felt like he was being dragged up through the depths of his despair and forced to face the horrifying reality of Jim's death all over again.

"Spock, wake up! WAKE UP!" Spock struck out at whoever was tormenting him. He hit something and heard Jim say "Ow! Dammit, Spock, snap out of it!"

He opened his eyes. And saw Jim looking down at him, concern on his face. A spot on his right cheek was turning red from where Spock had hit him. He pushed away the last remnant of the nightmare. Jim was alive. He was right here. Spock reached up and grabbed his soul mate and pulled him down, holding him so tightly that Jim said "Spock, I can't breathe, loosen up." Jim sat up and Spock still held onto him. Now they were sitting up in bed, and this time it was Spock who collapsed against Jim, tears flowing, though not as much as Jim had wept in the recent past. Still, for a Vulcan it was a great amount. His self control was gone, shattered by the nightmare. He was shaking uncontrollably and gasping for air.

"Spock, for God's sake, what were you dreaming?"

Spock pulled in a ragged breath. "I was reliving the moment of your death."

_xxxxx_

"Oh, jesus. Oh my God." Jim was horrified. He remembered that moment too, or at least the few moments before he died. He remembered seeing tears in Spock's eyes, remembered regretting that a budding friendship was being cut short. He had come to love Spock, and it hurt so badly to know that he was going to leave him here alone. The only comfort was knowing that he would live on. Jim had made the ultimate sacrifice for his first officer and his crew. Nothing less would be expected of a starship captain. When he was climbing up into the warp core, he knew the radiation would kill him, but he pushed that thought to a far corner of his mind and focused on the task at hand. He could not let himself become afraid, or regretful, or start to think about all the friends he would leave behind. There was a job to be done, and only he could do it. It wasn't until he had crawled back to the access door, radiation poisoned and dying, that he had let himself feel. And once he saw Spock, all he could do was feel.

Jim tightened his hold on his friend. He was crying along with him. But presently he realized that they didn't need to cry over loss, because they had been given a second chance. Fate had done a one-eighty and the psychopath who had caused Jim's death had also been the one to save him. He rubbed Spock's back and began to talk to him in a soft, soothing voice.

"Spock, I'm here. You didn't lose me. You need to shake this off, buddy. This isn't good for you. Come on, stop crying."

Spock sat up and looked at him. Jim observed that instead of his eyes being red from crying, they were greenish. Jim grabbed a box of tissues from the nightstand and handed them to his friend. That box of tissues had become a regular feature of Jim's bedroom, because that was where his emotional meltdowns usually took place. It was distressing to Jim to see Spock so far out of control. He sincerely hoped there would not be many more episodes like this. They were very detrimental to Spock's health and well-being.

Spock wiped his face and blew his nose. He looked at Jim and then shook his head.

"I completely lost control, Jim. That is uncharacteristic of me."

"No shit. You scared me to death. Are you gonna be OK?"

"I believe so. Something is wrong, Jim. I must contact T' Pela on New Vulcan and seek her advice."

"What do you mean, something's wrong?"

"These episodes of emotional trauma should not be happening. Even for you, as a human. You break down far too often. But for me to experience this loss of control is truly alarming."

"Alarming is an understatement. Do you think it has something to do with Tal Fe'an Har?"

"Possibly. I will contact T' Pela and see if she can explain what is happening."

_xxxxx_

Spock typed a sequence of numbers and characters into his tablet. He waited for the transmission to initialize, and then watched the screen resolution clear. Looking back at him was the woman who had tested and verified the Tal Fe'an Har between Jim and himself.

"Mr. Spock, it is agreeable to see you again. How may I be of service?"

"T' Pela. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me. I have some questions regarding Tal Fe'an Har. Jim and I have experienced some phenomena that may be related to our bond."

"Please elaborate," T' Pela said.

Spock proceeded to tell her about the loss of emotional control they had been experiencing, especially Jim. He also told her about their desire, no, their need to be in close physical contact.

T' Pela listened intently, and then spoke. "Although little is known regarding Tal Fe'an Har, what you describe has been documented. They are side effects of the bond."

"Are the effects permanent?" Spock hoped not. Jim was having a very difficult time dealing with them. And Spock's recent episode regarding the nightmare had been most disconcerting.

"Negative. They will diminish over time. It may take longer for the two of you."

"Is this because Jim is human?"

"Yes, and the fact that you are half human will play a role as well."

"Is there anything we can do to minimize these side effects?"

T' Pela was silent as she considered the question. "Jim is recovering from having died and been brought back from death. As I understand it, he was given a transfusion of the blood of a genetically engineered super-human. Is this correct?"

"Affirmative. We do not know if there will be any long term side effects associated with the transfusion. As it stands now, he has had none. The physicians at Starfleet are keeping a close watch on him."

"A wise course of action, given that they are dealing with the unknown in this instance. As for helping your soul mate deal with the side effects of the bonding, I can only recommend that you allow them to run their course. Do not attempt to deny him his emotions or his need to be close to you. It will not help, and could make things worse. You are dealing with these effects as well, are you not?"

"To a lesser degree, but yes, I am."

"Spock, you have a rare opportunity in this case. You can choose to learn more about the dynamics of human emotions in a way that you would not have been able to in the past. Because you are working with your soul mate, there will be a level of trust which you cannot find anywhere else."

"Agreed. In fact, this is already occurring. And as I attempt to assist Jim in dealing with the profound changes he is experiencing, I am learning much about my own emotional makeup."

"Excellent. Is there any other way in which I can help you?"

"I believe I have what I need to proceed. Thank you for your time and assistance."

"You are most welcome, Spock. Live long and prosper."

"Live long and prosper, T' Pela."

The connection terminated. Spock reflected on what T' Pela had told him. It all made sense, and much of it he had already surmised. To have it confirmed was gratifying. It meant that he was proceeding correctly in his efforts to help Jim.

Today had been a good day. Spock took Jim on a tour of the Enterprise and Jim got to see for himself the changes that were being made. Every new piece of equipment was designed with the five-year mission in mind. Jim was like 'a kid in a candy store', grinning broadly and greeting officers and crew that he hadn't seen in a while. They visited engineering, the medical bay, and finally they stood on the bridge looking out the forward view screen, which at this point provided a lovely view of space dock and the black of space beyond. There was no one save the two of them on the bridge. Spock moved to stand beside his captain, hands clasped behind his back as usual. He looked at Jim.

"Have you enjoyed the tour?"

"Very much. Thanks, Spock. This has been a real treat."

"It has been a pleasure for me as well. I have enjoyed seeing you smiling, laughing, and happy."

"I am happy. This is really exciting. I just wish we didn't have to wait so long to get started."

"The time will pass quickly. You will be busy with the work we are doing together."

"Yeah. Maybe I'll have nailed it by the time we leave."

"I think it will happen far sooner than that. Is there anything else you'd like to see before we disembark?"

Jim did not answer. He looked around at the bridge, his eyes coming to rest on the captain's chair. He walked over and sat down. Spock observed him take a deep breath and close his eyes. The Vulcan said nothing. He allowed Jim the moment, before moving to stand beside him. After a moment he laid his hand on his friend's shoulder. Jim looked up at him and smiled.

"You know what the best part is gonna be? That we get to do this together."

Spock favored him with one of his almost smiles. Jim suddenly stood and pulled Spock into his arms. The soul mates hugged each other tightly, then let go and stood side by side. Spock was allowing his feelings to settle when Jim spoke.

"Let's go get some lunch. I'm starving."


	5. Chapter 5

Jim was getting a physical. Spock watched as Dr. McCoy ran several scans with various medical instruments. Jim, who hated getting physicals, was uncharacteristically compliant. He sat patiently and let the doctor work. Finally McCoy finished his scans and shut off his tricorder.

"Everything looks good Jim. Physically you're pretty much back to normal." He looked at Spock. "How 'bout the non physical stuff, Spock?"

"The captain is progressing well with our mind meld training," Spock replied. "We are still experiencing side effects of the soul bond, but I have been assured that they will diminish over time."

Jim looked from McCoy to Spock, then back to McCoy. "So am I well enough for an outing?"

"What kind of an outing?" McCoy asked.

"A camping trip."

"A camping trip?" Spock asked.

"Yeah. The three of us. We can go to Altair 4 and spend a couple days. Are you guys up for it?"

"Are you serious?" McCoy asked.

"Sure, why not? You can keep an eye on me. We'll take it easy. No white water rafting, no rock climbing. Just a little light hiking, exploring and relaxing. Come on, it'll be fun!"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Vulcans do not have fun."

"Excuse me for saying so, Spock, but that's bullshit."

Spock raised both eyebrows. Jim laughed. "I'm sorry, but you do have fun. So are we going camping or not?"

Jim's enthusiasm was contagious. Spock listened while the two Humans planned the trip.

"I think between the two of us we have everything we need," McCoy said, "except maybe a sleeping bag for you, Spock. You know, it gets cold there at night this time of the year. You'll need to dress in layers. Hey, you guys can sleep together in a double. That'll help."

Jim and Spock looked at Bones in surprise.

"What? I know you two sleep together. It's part of that soul mate thing. I'm just thinking Spock will be warmer at night that way."

Jim smiled at the doctor. "That's awesome, Bones. Does this mean you're not weirded out by us any more?"

"I wasn't weirded out. Well, I guess I was, but nah, it doesn't bother me anymore. I still don't understand it, but so what? It works for you two. That's all that matters."

The next half hour was spent planning; going over what camping gear they had between them and setting a date for the trip. It would be Spring in the part of Altair 4 they'd be visiting. The days would be mild but the nights would be chilly. It would be too cold to sleep outside a tent, so they added one to the list of equipment they needed. Soon they had a list of supplies they'd have to procure. As Spock listened to the two men planning, he felt a vague sense of unease. He was not entirely certain that he wanted to go on this 'camping trip', but if Jim wanted to go, he'd go with him.

"Listen, I gotta get back," McCoy said. "I'll have to clear you to travel, Jim. It shouldn't be a problem."

_xxxxx_

McCoy packed up his equipment and left to go back to Starfleet medical. Jim walked him to the door, then went back to the living room. Spock wasn't there. Jim looked around and spotted him outside on the veranda. He went to join him. Spock was standing at the railing, looking out over the neighborhood. Jim walked up and stood beside him.

"Hey, you OK?" Jim asked. "You seem preoccupied."

Spock turned to face him. "A camping trip?"

"Yeah. What's wrong with a camping trip? Are you trying to tell me you don't want to go?"

"As you well know, I will go anywhere with you. But I would have appreciated you discussing it with me before bringing it up to the doctor."

"Why? So you could try to talk me out of it?"

"Perhaps. I am not entirely certain that you are ready for such an excursion."

"You told Bones that our training sessions were coming along fine."

"And they are. However, there is much more to your health and well-being than your physical condition and how the lessons are going. We are both continuing to experience problems with emotional control. It could be dangerous, not to mention embarrassing, if we were to have problems with this while on our trip."

"Look, Bones knows about us now. Didn't you hear what he said about us sleeping together? He's OK with it."

"I am glad the doctor is no longer uncomfortable with our bond. However, he could not be of assistance should any problems arise."

"Spock, if you don't wanna go camping just say so. I'll call Bones and tell him the trip's canceled."

"Are you attempting to, what is the expression, run a guilt trip on me? I am merely looking out for your well-being. I did not say that we should cancel the trip. I simply would have preferred to discuss it with you prior to you speaking to Doctor McCoy."

"You gotta be kidding me! I just wanna get out of town for a few days, get out of this apartment, and spend some time with my two closest friends. You know, I'm not used to having someone try so hard to control me the way you do."

"Control you? I am not trying to control you. I am trying to save you from yourself."

"Well, don't. I was taking care of myself long before you were in the picture."

"And if memory serves, you were not doing a very good job."

"What the... I did the best I could with what I had to work with. Why are we arguing about this anyway? It's a fucking camping trip! I really don't see what the problem is."

"No, as usual, you do not see what the problem is. You fail to see the bigger picture. Have you not considered what would happen if one or both of us has an episode of emotional instability while on this outing?"

"Is that what this is really about? Are you afraid one of us will have a crying jag in front of Bones?"

Spock heaved a sigh. "Your propensity for doing whatever you wish without regard for the consequences remains constant. It is pointless to continue this conversation. I will go now and give us both time to gain some perspective." Spock left the veranda and headed toward the door.

"Oh, no. Not this time. You're not walking out on me again." Jim moved ahead of Spock and got between him and the exit.

"Get out of my way, Jim. I refuse to waste time with you when you are like this."

"No. That's not it. The truth is that you can't handle me when I'm like this! You wanna walk out on me so you don't have to face your own feelings."

Spock dropped his head and glared at him. "Step aside, Jim."

_Man, I'm about to get my ass handed to me... "_No. You are not leaving. Computer, security lockdown Kirk 8859." Jim felt the click of the door locking behind him. The look on Spock's face almost made him wish he'd let the Vulcan leave.

"How dare you lock me in here with you?"

"How dare you walk out on me every time you don't want to deal with me!"

Suddenly Spock took a swing at him. Jim ducked and Spock hit the door. He let out a growl of anger and pain. Jim took the opportunity to push past him. He turned to face him.

"You missed. You wanna try again? Bring it on."

With a yell, Spock charged him. Jim didn't back off; instead, he flung himself forward and crashed into Spock. The two of them went down to the floor. Jim tried to pin Spock under him but the Vulcan was faster and stronger. He found himself pinned down, Spock over him, his fist raised to strike him. _Oh shit, this may have been a mistake... _Jim knew his soul mate could kill him if he wanted to. He hoped Spock wouldn't go that far out of control.

Spock hesitated. "What?" Jim said. "What are you waiting for? You know you wanna hit me, so do it! HIT ME!"

Spock hit him, hard. Jim felt a soft crack in his jaw. He was hit with a shock of pain which almost rendered him unconscious. He tasted blood in his mouth. He was dazed, and his eyes went out of focus. He was trying to clear his vision when he felt Spock's weight lift off his body. He blinked twice and looked up. Spock wasn't standing over him. He looked around and saw his friend lying on the floor beside him, breathing heavily, obviously trying to calm down.

"Ah... ah... man, you hit hard. I think you broke my jaw."

Spock had been staring at the ceiling. He sat up and looked at Jim, concern in his eyes. "Do you really think it is broken?"

Jim heaved himself to his feet. He went and sat on the couch. Spock followed him. "Well, I felt a crack when you hit me, and it hurts like hell."

Spock's hand, the same hand that had done the damage, gently touched Jim's face. "Let me check..." Spock closed his eyes and initiated a light mind meld. "Yes, there is a crack, here." His fingers touched a spot on Jim's jaw. He broke contact and then said the last thing Jim expected to hear.

"Jim, I am sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I goaded you into hitting me." He grimaced; talking hurt.

"Why did you do that?" Spock asked.

"Because I'm tired of us running away from each other instead of working things out face to face."

"Is this how Human males resolve their differences? By provoking each other to physical violence? I see no logic in this whatsoever."

"We don't always come to blows, no. But sometimes it's a great way to clear the air. And you should know by now that humans are not ruled by logic. Ah, it hurts to talk. I guess we're gonna have to go see Bones and get this fixed."

_Chapter5 part2_

After a trip to Starfleet medical, a procedure to repair the fracture, and a lecture from Bones about how Starfleet officers should be able to resolve their differences without breaking each other's jaws, the soul mates returned to Jim's apartment complex. Jim turned to cross the lobby to the turbolift when he noticed that Spock was not beside him. He turned back to see the Vulcan standing in the middle of the lobby.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked.

"I am going home." Spock replied.

"We are home."

"I am going to my own apartment."

"What? Why?" Jim asked.

"I must take some time to reflect on what happened today."

Jim was momentarily stunned. "...OK. Do what you need to do. So, I guess I'll see you when I see you."

"Get some rest, my friend."

_Yeah, like I'm gonna be able to sleep..._

And with that, Spock left. No hug, no almost smile. Nothing. Jim was confused. He rode the turbolift to his floor and entered his apartment. His jaw was aching pretty badly. He hoped the pain medication Bones had given him would kick in soon. A thought occurred to him. He tried to push it away but it wouldn't go. He gave up and opened a cabinet. He took out a bottle of bourbon and poured himself a double shot. He knew it was stupid to drink right now but he wanted to dull the pain he was feeling, not just in his jaw, but the even bigger pain in his heart. He downed the bourbon, feeling it burn all the way to his stomach. He was considering pouring another shot when he had a sudden thought of what Spock would think of him drowning his sorrows in booze. He recapped the bottle and left it on the kitchen table.

He was tired, but he couldn't face the thought of sleeping in his bed alone. He went into the bedroom and grabbed a pillow, then pulled a throw blanket from the linen closet. He flung himself down on the couch. The living room was dark save for a night light on one wall. The moon was rising, its pale light filtering in through the french doors. Jim lay on the couch in the lonely silence. It wasn't that he'd couldn't sleep without Spock with him; his friend didn't spend every night at Jim's apartment. They'd been together a lot lately, with Spock taking care of him during and after the Tal Fe'an Har had formed, was verified and sealed. But Spock had his own apartment in another part of the city. Jim didn't spend much time there; it was really just a small studio with a bathroom and a tiny kitchen. The entire dwelling could fit into Jim's master bedroom. It was a perfect example of Vulcan austerity.

Tonight was different. The soul mates had been through a physical altercation provoked by Jim, and had to deal with the emotional aftermath. From the moment Spock had melded with him to confirm his jaw was cracked, through the trip to Starfleet medical and the treatment Bones gave Jim to repair the fracture, Spock had been quiet and brooding. Jim found himself wishing he hadn't done what he did; forcing Spock to deal with emotions that he had trouble with on his best days. Now his friend had left with barely a goodbye, and even though Jim knew their bond was for life and that it would take much more than this to push them apart, there was always a small niggle of doubt. What if Spock found he couldn't put up with Jim? Soul bond or not, would he give up and leave Jim behind? The bourbon made it's presence felt at that moment, sweeping through his blood stream, taking with it any hope of self control. Jim broke down and wept.

_xxxxx_

Spock entered his own apartment. "Lights." The computer illuminated the small space with a soft glow, just a bit brighter than candlelight. Spock removed his jacket and hung it up in the tiny closet. He turned and his gaze swept the small main room. There was little to see; a narrow bed with a small night stand beside it, a chair, a cushion before a low table where he would sit to meditate. There was a painting on one wall, a window on another, a sculpture on the table along with an incense burner and a candle. A bathroom and kitchenette completed the apartment. The entire building was made up of efficiency apartments like his, and most were inhabited by students. In fact, he was the only Starfleet officer in the building. He wasn't sure if he was the only Vulcan, but so far he hadn't seen any others. But then, Spock kept to himself. The place was mainly somewhere to sleep and to meditate. And occasionally, to seek refuge from situations and people who disrupted his logical, ordered life.

Like Jim Kirk. The man was his best friend, his soul mate, the most important person in his life, more important even than Nyota. So why was it so difficult to understand him? It seemed to Spock that the soul bond should make it easier for them to figure each other out, but it didn't seem to be helping. If anything, their relationship had become more challenging. Spock knew it was because he was learning to handle his emotions, and Jim was trying to learn to be more intuitive, and less impulsive, among other things. But it just didn't make sense that it was turning out to be so difficult. To have Jim go out of his way to goad him into physical violence defied logic. Jim said he was tired of having Spock walk out on him instead of working things out face to face. Surely there had to be a better way to accomplish this than to pick a fight with one's best friend. It was disconcerting to know that Jim was able to provoke him in such a way. Spock should have been able to resist the urge to become violent.

He was dismayed by the fact that he had hit Jim at all, much less hard enough to fracture his jaw. It was true that he had attacked and tried to kill the man shortly after they met, but those were unique circumstances and as it turned out, part of a larger plan. Jim had been instructed by Spock's older counterpart to force him to show that he was emotionally compromised. It was the only way for Jim to gain command of the Enterprise, something that had to happen if they were to defeat Nero.

Recalling those events brought to his mind the beginning of their friendship. They had taken an instant dislike to each other as soon as they met. But as they were thrown into crisis and forced to work together, they began to form a bond, tentative at first, but growing stronger as they faced and overcame each obstacle together. They learned to trust one another. Each gained the respect of the other. Now they were bonded in such a way that Spock found it difficult to imagine his life without Jim Kirk.

So why was he here, alone in his apartment, instead of with Jim? Perhaps because he had needed this time to sort out his thoughts and feelings. As he told Jim, he needed time to gain perspective. He wasn't sure he had done what he intended to do in leaving Jim and coming here. But he did know where he had to be. He turned the lights out and left his apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

Spock let himself into Jim's apartment. He was relieved that Jim had not locked him out. He passed by the kitchen and saw the bottle of liquor on the table. _It is not empty. That is a good thing. _He went into the living room and saw someone stretched out on the couch. He moved closer and saw that it was Jim. Spock wondered why his friend would sleep out here when he had a large and very comfortable bed to sleep in. He knelt beside the couch and gently touched Jim's face. There was just enough light in the room for him to make out his friend's features. He began to move his fingers over Jim's forehead, down his cheek and to his bruised and swollen jaw. He felt a twinge of... guilt. Yes, that was the emotion he was feeling. It hurt to realize that he had inflicted such an injury upon his beloved soul mate. Spock ran his fingers through Jim's hair. It was a gentle gesture, almost a caress. He felt his throat tighten, and he swallowed. It was almost frightening, how much he loved this man.

Jim began to stir. His eyebrows pulled together in a slight frown. He reached up to touch the hand he felt on his face. He opened his eyes. His face contorted and he began to cry. _More weeping. It is a wonder he has any tears left._ Spock frowned at this illogical thought. _One does not run out of tears, unless one's tear ducts are malfunctioning... _he gave himself a mental shake. _Analyze it later._

"Why are you sleeping out here?"

"I couldn't bring myself to sleep in the bed without you."

"How much alcohol did you consume?"

"Two shots. That's all."

And finally the question that would be the hardest for Jim to answer. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm relieved to see you."

Spock frowned. This was not the answer he had expected. "Did you think I would not come back?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. Every time I do something stupid and you walk out, I'm afraid you won't come back."

"Jim, you are my soul mate. You are my heart. I love you unconditionally. I will always come back."

Jim sat up, and Spock sat beside him. "Jeez," Jim said, "I'm pathetic. Captain Crybaby of the starship Enterprise."

Spock shook his head. "You are not pathetic. This is a side effect of our bond. It is temporary. It will have diminished long before you resume your duties as Captain."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure."

Jim grimaced. "Oh man, my jaw hurts."

"Where are the pain meds Dr. McCoy gave you?"

"On the kitchen counter, I think." Spock got up and went to find the meds. He came back with a pill and a glass of water. He handed them to Jim.

"Thanks," he said and took the pill.

"Would you like to go back to your bed now?"

"Only if you're coming with me."

"I believe you could benefit from a good spooning."

"Jim smiled. "God, I love you."

"I know. Come with me." Jim followed Spock to the bedroom. The Vulcan changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt. The two men settled into bed together. Jim lay facing his friend.

"I cannot spoon you if you are facing me," Spock said.

"I had a thought. When was the last time we joined, you know, did our bonding thing during a mind meld?"

Spock thought for a moment. "I do not believe we have done it since the bond was sealed."

"Well don't you think it's time we did it again?"

Spock frowned slightly, thinking back over the last few weeks. _Perhaps we have been missing something important related to our bond..._

"Yes, I think it has been too long since we joined."

They both sat up in the bed. The question of how to do the meld comfortably occurred to both of them at once. Spock sat cross-legged, and Jim faced him, his legs over his friend's. They were about to connect with their hands, when they both hesitated. They looked at each other, and then each leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. Spock found Jim's hands and clasped them in his own.

"Are you ready?" Spock asked.

"Let's do it." Jim replied.

As always when they melded, Jim felt a moment when time seemed to stand still. It was followed by the sudden rush from the physical reality to the spiritual. It always startled him. When they had first started working with the mind meld, Spock would think something was wrong and pull out of the meld, leaving Jim open and gasping. Once they figured out that it was just Jim's reaction to initiating contact, everything settled into place.

The transition felt to Jim like the descent from the top of a roller coaster. He was momentarily disoriented, but soon his head cleared and he found himself standing face-to-face with Spock.

_"Lead the way, Jim." _

_Jim hesitated. "Where are we going?"_

_"To our inner sanctuaries. Do you remember when we created them?"_

_Yes. The door to mine is an airlock."_

_"Take us there." _

_Jim felt a twinge of uncertainty. "I'm not sure I remember how." _

_"You remember. Think." _

_Jim frowned, trying to think back to the sealing of the Tal Fe'an Har. Spock waited patiently, allowing his soul mate to work through it in his mind. _

_"Oh! I remember." Jim closed his eyes and simply imagined the two of them standing before his airlock door. He opened his eyes and they were there. Spock smiled almost imperceptibly. Jim walked to the airlock and opened it. The two men stepped inside and he closed the door behind them. Jim's inner sanctuary was featureless, just walls in a soft gray with no furnishings of any kind. He hadn't spent enough time here yet to change that, and since it was not actually a physical place but rather a thought-form, it didn't matter. _

_They passed through Jim's sanctuary and came to a smaller room. This area was different, the color warmer, the walls moving slightly as if in flux. This was the area between his sanctuary and Spock's. They continued into Spock's domain, which was much different from Jim's. There was a table with a cushion in front of it, much like the one in Spock's apartment. Jim observed some ancient-looking wall hangings and a sconce with a torch burning. It was austere but beautiful. _

_"What do we do now?" Jim asked. _

_"We go back to the space between our two sanctuaries." Spock turned and walked back the way they had come, and Jim followed. Spock turned to face his friend. "This is where we will merge." _

_Jim felt nervous, like someone on a first date. It was a strange comparison but it fit. He looked into Spock's eyes. Spock was silent, as if waiting for Jim to speak. _

_"T' Pela said to move into each other. Is that what we do now?" _

_"Now, and every time we merge. Are you ready?"_

_Jim nodded. "I'm nervous, but I'm ready." They slowly moved toward each other. It wasn't physical at all, but because they were corporeal beings, they experienced it as if it were. To Jim it was like an embrace, but that was where the similarity ended. _

_The initial contact was a feather-light touch that sent delicious chills through Jim's being. As their essences began to blend, the feeling intensified. He felt Spock's soul intertwining with his, caressing him. The sensations were confusing; it felt like it should be sexual, but it was not. This went far beyond sex, so far that in an instant Jim lost that thought altogether as he felt Spock reach deeper into him, touching him in a way that was not possible on a physical level. It was intensely pleasurable. _

_"Spock," he breathed. "This is... incredible. I can't believe how good it feels. This is what it's like when souls merge?" _

_"Yes. It is new and wonderful to me as well. I have never felt anything like it."_

_Jim liked the sound of that. They were bonded to each other, so neither of them would ever feel this with anyone else. The thought intensified his pleasure, and Spock felt it as well. He let out a low moan. Jim reached out and twined his essence around Spock's, playfully, tenderly. They both gasped. Jim had been convinced it couldn't feel any better, but he was wrong. The pleasure kicked up another notch, and Jim became aware that a climax was coming, much like an orgasm during physical sex. If it felt this good now, what was _that_ going to be like? He soon found out. Suddenly it was like fireworks exploded in the center of their souls, creating shock waves that radiated outward. Their soul bodies clutched each other as the waves crossed over and through each other and merged. It was like an orgasm that went through their souls, all encompassing, staggering, pleasure and release so intense he almost couldn't stand it. In his mind, he heard Spock cry out. Jim was in the grip of the climax and could only gasp and ride the wave that radiated from the center of his soul outward through his entire being. Would it ever subside? Not that he wanted it to. _

_Finally the wave swept past them, and the intense pleasure began to ebb. He couldn't believe they were still standing, then remembered that they weren't. Their bodies were sitting face-to-face on the bed in his apartment, and their souls were nowhere in the physical realm at all. They clung to each other as the energy shifted and balanced. Finally they moved apart. _

_"Oh my God, Spock! What just happened?" _

_"Two soul mates merged. Incredible, was it not?"_

_"I don't even know what to say. I mean... wait, I know what to say." He looked into Spock's eyes. "I love you."_

_Spock smiled. A real smile. "I love you, Jim. Before we go back, there is something I must tell you. When we return to the physical realm, we will not remember our merging." _

_"There's no way we're gonna forget this!" _

_"While we are here, we will remember, but in the physical world, we will not. Think about it. If we were to remember this, it would be an unmanageable distraction. We would be obsessed with coming back here and merging over and over again. That is why the physical self does not recall what happens during the merge." _

_"Hm. I get it. We couldn't function. OK, I can live with that. What happens now?"_

_Spock reached out and pulled Jim into his arms. "Now we enjoy a bit of afterglow, and then we go back."_

_Jim smiled. "I can live with that, too." They stood holding each other, enjoying the pleasant vibration radiating out from within them. Again, Jim couldn't help but compare it to the way he felt after sex. But this was so much better, so much more intense, so much more fulfilling. And not sexual at all. He could easily see why they couldn't carry the memory of it to their physical lives. _

_The resonating hum of their joined souls began to fade. It was time to return to the physical realm. _

_"How do we get back?" Jim asked. _

_"We go back the way we came," Spock answered. "Be sure to close and lock your door." They went back through Jim's airlock. He closed and locked it. "Now we simply imagine being back in your bedroom." _

_Jim closed his eyes and remembered sitting on the bed with Spock. He felt the familiar rush of transition, and opened his eyes. _

They were back, seated facing each other on the bed. There was some memory of their time in the spiritual realm. They remembered being there together, enjoying each other's company, strengthening their bond, even a vague recollection, like a faint echo, of the merging, but the entirety of it was hidden. They would recall it when they went back and they would merge again, and each merging would further solidify their bond. Now, back in the physical reality, the pleasant vibration of their joined souls continued. They felt a deep sense of happiness and well-being.

"That was nice," Jim said.

"Very nice," Spock replied.

"I feel like I can't remember all of it. Is that normal?"

"Yes. There are parts of the spiritual bonding that are not meant to be remembered here in the physical world."

"Hmm. That makes sense. I'd be willing to bet that a lot of it we couldn't even deal with back here."

"I am certain that you are correct."

"Are you hungry? I sure am."

"Extremely. Shall we raid your refrigerator?"

"Or we could order take out. It's not as late as I thought it would be. That place that has the stir fry you like is open."

They ended up ordering take out and raiding Jim's refrigerator. The merging used up a lot of energy. They needed to refuel. The take out arrived as they were eating the last of a salad they'd made. They'd ordered the stir fry and at Spock's prompting, Jim ordered shrimp.

"You need the protein," Spock said.

"There's tofu in the stir fry," Jim answered.

"True, but you need more than that. Just enjoy the shrimp. Do not concern yourself with my eating habits."

They ended up eating every last bite of the take out. Jim got up and went back to the refrigerator. "Let's see what's for dessert." He chose ice cream for himself and Spock ate fresh fruit. Finally too full to eat anything else, their hunger satisfied, they moved to the living room and watched old movies. What had started out as a potentially terrible day ended most pleasantly, the soul mates relaxing together, Jim laughing at the movie they were watching, and Spock trying to figure out the concept of humor.

"It's funny to watch you frown and try to analyze it," Jim said with a grin. "I can see the wheels turning. Actually it's probably more like the computer is about to freeze up from trying to assimilate the illogical data."

"It is most perplexing."

"And yet you keep trying to figure it out. You'll get it eventually."

Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim. "If you say so."


	7. Chapter 7

M-CLASS PLANET ALTAIR 4

Federation recreational planet

The planet was a lot like Earth, Dr. McCoy thought as he looked out across the the canyon before him. The trees and brush were very similar. The sky was blue but had just a hint of lavender. Small white clouds dotted the vast expanse, the lavender blue contrasting sharply with the rust and brown of the canyon walls. Large birds resembling ravens, except for their deep red color, soared overhead. It looked a lot like the Grand Canyon back on Earth, including the river that snaked along the bottom.

He didn't see Jim anywhere but Spock was looking down into the the canyon, standing disconcertingly close to the edge.

"Spock, you're gonna give me a heart attack."

Spock turned to look at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"You're way too close to the edge." It was a 2000 meter drop straight down to the river below.

"The view is fascinating," Spock said as he moved away from the brink. Bones shook his head. _What the hell are we doing on a part of the rim with no safety rails?_ From behind him he heard Jim's voice.

"It looks a lot like the Grand Canyon, doesn't it, Bones?"

"Yeah. The colors are a little off, but it sure is beautiful."

They continued to hike along the canyon rim. The path began to slope down and then level off. Spock was busy taking tricorder readings of the soil and plants. Looking away from the canyon, McCoy observed a hill covered in rocks of various sizes. He watched Jim pull out his camera and snap some stills of the formation. He turned back and photographed a pair of native birds wind surfing in the air currents between the canyon walls. Jim continued on up the trail toward some wildflowers growing on the cliff edge.

Bones heard a strange cracking sound. Several small rocks and pebbles rolled past him down the hill. He looked up and saw a larger rock, almost a small boulder, following the pebbles. The rock hit a spot on the slope and went airborne, it's trajectory angling away from him. He watched it sail past and then looked where it was heading.

"SPOCK, LOOK OUT!" he yelled as he saw the rock shooting straight toward the science officer. Spock turned to look at him and the rock smacked into the side of his head. Bones watched in horror as Spock was knocked to the ground... and rolled off the edge of the cliff.

"SPOCK!" McCoy yelled. "Jim, Spock just fell off the cliff!"

"Bones get over here! He didn't go all the way down. He landed on this shelf, look!"

McCoy was confused. _What shelf? It's a 2000 meter drop! Has Jim lost it? _

Jim was using the zoom lens on his camera to get a close up view of the Vulcan. "He's alive. I can see him breathing!" Bones finally found his feet and trotted over to where Jim was standing.

"Jim he's right on the edge of that shelf. If we climb down there and startle him..."

"I know. Shit! What can we do. What would he do?" The answer came in a flash. "I'm gonna try to get him to roll onto his right side."

"How you gonna do that? He's five meters down and he's unconscious."

"I'm gonna try to contact him telepathically. I don't know if I can do it, but I have to try. Please be quiet unless you see him move. I'll have my eyes closed. OK?"

"Do it!"

_xxxxx_

_OK, calm down, you can do this..._ Jim closed his eyes. He pushed his fear of losing his soul mate to the side and tried to picture himself in a conversation with Spock, as if they were in close proximity to each other. How could he get the Vulcan to comply?

_Spock, it's me. It's Jim. Hey buddy, roll onto your right side. I want you to spoon me. I'm on your right. You know how I love it when you spoon me. But you have to turn onto your right side. Roll to your right, Spock. Roll to your right. Come on, soul mate, I need you. Roll to your right. Roll to your right... _Jim did his best to see, in his mind, Spock rolling onto his right side. _Spock, please, roll to your right. Roll to your right..._

"Jim. Look." McCoy said softly. Jim opened his eyes and looked. Spock was lying on his right side. Jim had made contact. A wave of relief swept over him, but he knew it wasn't over yet. They still had to get him off the shelf and to a hospital.

"I'm gonna get down there and take his vitals," McCoy said as he pulled out the climbing gear. Can you call the ranger station and have them send help?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll call them."

Jim gave the park ranger their coordinates and a brief explanation of the situation. That done, he rigged up and went down to join McCoy and Spock on the shelf below.

"How long will it take them to get here?" Bones asked.

"About 10 minutes," Jim replied. "I'm gonna try to do a mind meld."

"I thought you didn't know how to do that."

"I don't, but he's been working with me on it. Maybe I can do it. I have to try!" McCoy had moved Spock away from the edge of the shelf and was prepping his equipment to check his vitals. Jim put his fingers on Spock's face, positioning them for the mind meld. He closed his eyes and offered up a silent prayer to whatever benevolent deity might be listening.

_Please let me do this right. Please let it work. _If he couldn't still his mind and focus, he couldn't do the meld. They hadn't gotten far into the new training regimen, but at this point Jim at least had some idea of what to do. He imagined slowing his thoughts from racing like a whirlwind to floating slowly, like dandelion seeds on a near windless day. The chatter in his mind became quiet. He allowed the calm silence to envelop him. Then he reached out for his soul mate.

_"Spock. Are you here? It's me, it's Jim. Where are you?" _There was no response. He felt a surge of fear. Was Spock dead? No, he'd know if he was. "_Spock, can you hear me?" _He listened, straining to hear Spock's voice.

_"Jim..." _The voice actually startled him, coming through the silence as it did.

_"Spock?"_

_"I am here. What happened?" _Spock's voice was faint and echoing. Jim quickly gave the Vulcan a mental picture of the rock hitting Spock's head and his tumble over the edge onto the shelf.

_"I am... injured..." _Spock said.

_"I know. How badly?" _Jim could feel the Vulcan's pain.

_"Skull... fractured. Inter... cranial... bleeding. Fractured... left... forearm..."_

Jim took all this in, and then told his friend that an evac shuttle was on it's way to take him to a hospital.

_"So hang in there, OK? Don't you leave me!"_

_"Never."_

Jim broke the meld and opened his eyes to find McCoy staring at him.

"What?" Jim asked, trying to shake off the echo of Spock's pain.

"You just listed every injury he's got. How did you know?"

"Spock told me. He's still with us. He's weak and in pain, but he's there."

"Wow. This soul mate thing is really strong, huh?"

"You have no idea."

"There's the evac shuttle," McCoy said, pointing. The shuttle hovered at the edge of the shelf, and two EMTs hopped out. They took vitals, asked a few questions and loaded Spock onto a stretcher, and then into the waiting craft. Jim and McCoy climbed in beside the unconscious Vulcan. The pilot looked back at them and spoke.

"Where is your campsite?" she asked.

"It's about two kilometers west of here." McCoy gave her the coordinates.

"OK. We'll have someone go pack up your gear and move it to the ranger station. I'm guessing you'll want to go with your friend to the hospital."

_Just try to stop me_, Jim thought. Aloud he said, "Yes, we're going with him."

The shuttle lifted skyward and took off to the southeast where the hospital was located. Jim watched the massive canyon shrink under him. Given the primitive nature of this part of the planet, a fully equipped, state-of-the-art facility was necessary. As today's incident proved, accidents happened no matter how skilled a climber was or how careful a camper could be.

Jim closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The major crisis was over; between Bones and the EMTs, Spock was stabilized and they were on the way to the hospital. The camping trip had come to an abrupt end, but there would be other trips in the future. Spock's injury was a freak accident, not the result of negligence or lack of skill. The emergency had forced Jim to test the training Spock had given him, and he was amazed at how he'd been able to utilize it, although he was pretty sure Spock had helped him during the mind meld. The telepathy? He didn't know what to make of that. He was just glad it had worked. He felt strangely calm and wondered if he was going to lose it later. Probably. Once he knew for certain that Spock was OK, he'd probably have a meltdown. He just hoped it wouldn't happen in the presence of strangers.

The canyon disappeared into the morning haze as the shuttle continued on to the hospital.

_At the hospital  
_

Jim could feel it building. A meltdown was imminent. He walked along the corrider beside McCoy, who was talking to the physician on duty in the trauma unit. He struggled to stay in control of his emotions, his breathing, his center, but he was losing the battle. He clenched his fists, dropped his head and kept walking.

_Please stop talking, please stop talking..._ he wanted to get McCoy's attention, tell him to get him to a place where he could lose it in private. Finally he couldn't hold it anymore. He elbowed Bones in the arm. McCoy looked at him and then spoke to the other doctor.

"OK, let me get this guy settled, and I'll get back to ya." The man nodded and took off down the corridor.

"Jim, what is it?"

"Get me away from these people," Jim said through clenched teeth. "Please."

Bones took his arm and led him around a corner to a less populated area. Jim wasn't watching where they were going; he was just letting McCoy lead him.

"Here, let's try this," McCoy said. Jim heard a door slide open and then felt sunshine and cool air. He looked up. They were on a patio, and there was no one else in sight. They walked forward a few steps and Bones put him in a chair.

"You're clear, Jim. Let it out." He walked a few steps away and turned his back on his friend. Jim wasn't so far gone that he didn't notice and appreciate McCoy's attempt to give him at least a little privacy. Jim realized he was still trying to get control of his emotions. He also realized the attempt was a vain one at best. McCoy had told him to let it out, and Jim knew he had to. He took a deep, shuttering breath and let go. He let out a strange noise like a wailing moan, and let the tears fall. It was partly the heart-stopping vision of Spock going over the edge, and partly an immense feeling of relief that he hadn't lost his beloved soul mate. It didn't last long, but while it was happening he was completely vulnerable.

Slowly, he regained control of himself. His rational mind took over, and his emotions settled down to manageable levels. He took a few deep, cleansing breaths, and wiped the tears from his face with his sleeve. He looked up and saw McCoy standing near the door, his back still to his friend.

"I'm OK now, Bones. Thanks for taking care of me."

McCoy turned to face him. His eyes were sparkling with tears he was trying not to shed. Jim got up and pulled his friend into an embrace. It wasn't always apparent, but McCoy did consider Spock his friend.

Bones took a deep breath. "We gotta stop this almost dyin' bullshit. It's gonna kill me."

They went back inside and found the attending physician. Spock was in surgery; they were repairing the leaking artery and knitting the skull fracture and broken arm. When all was finished, the injuries would be vulnerable but stable. Spock would have to stay off his feet for a week or two to give everything time to completely heal. He hadn't been assigned a room yet, so Jim and McCoy would check in after he came out of surgery.

"Let's go get something to eat," Jim said. "I'm starving."

"How can you think of food at a time like this?" McCoy asked.

"Bones, we haven't eaten anything since this morning. I'm hungry. Aren't you?"

"I'm a little confused here. Ten minutes ago you had a complete meltdown, and now you're hungry?"

"That wasn't a complete meltdown. You haven't seen one of those yet. Yes, I lost it, but it's over for now. I got it out of my system, you know? Now I need fuel. It's not gonna do me any good to starve myself and get sick. Who do you think is gonna take care of Spock for the next two weeks?"

McCoy just shook his head. "There's a cafeteria on the first floor. Let's go."

_xxxxx_

Dr. McCoy wondered if he would ever really understand Jim Kirk. Half an hour ago the man was crying like a baby, and now he was scarfing down a cheeseburger like nothing had happened. Bones had chosen a club sandwich and was nibbling at it while watching Jim eat. Jim looked up at him. He swallowed a mouthful of burger and washed it down with a gulp of iced tea.

"You're really not hungry? You're the one who's always lecturing me about not skipping meals, eating right, blah blah blah."

"Are you listening to yourself? Your... soul mate almost died and you're sitting there eatin' a damn cheeseburger like nothing happened! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm starving, Bones! The mind meld and the telepathic stuff takes a lot of energy, especially for me because I'm not used to it. Any time Spock and I work on the spiritual stuff we always come back ravenous. You wouldn't believe the amount of food we've put away. And I know Spock is OK. It's alright for me to relax just a bit and take care of myself."

"How do you know Spock is OK?"

"I don't know how to explain it, Bones. I just know he's OK, and you know what he's thinking? He's concerned that I'm gonna get so worried about him that I'm not gonna eat, sleep, or take care of myself. We've been on a really rough road lately. You don't know the half of it." McCoy looked at him and then looked away.

"You said you didn't wanna know. OK, so I don't talk to you about it. I wish I could! Spock has Uhura for support outside of his bond with me. I don't have anybody."

"I thought it was personal."

"It is! But you're my friend. I could really use your support and understanding. I need someone to confide in who I trust. Outside of Spock, you're the one. And you're the only one of my friends who can even come close to relating to the soul mate bond. Can you imagine me trying to explain it to Scotty? No way! I've been leaving you out of it because that's what you said you wanted, but I gotta be honest. It hurts my feelings a little to have you be so standoffish. It's almost like you're jealous."

McCoy sat staring at his half-eaten sandwich. _Are you gonna admit it? _

"Maybe I am." He said.

"What, standoffish?"

"No. Jealous."

_xxxxx_

_Oh, fuck... you dumb shit, you blew it again..._

Jim was at a loss for words. He couldn't believe he'd missed this. Bones was jealous. That explained the standoffishness, the not wanting to hear the details, not wanting to know about his bond with Spock.

"...Oh my God. I am such an asshole."

"What are you talkin' about?" Bones asked.

"I didn't see it. I was so wrapped up in Spock and all the shit we were going through, I didn't notice. Looking back, it's clear as day. Bones, I'm sorry."

"At first it was no big deal," McCoy said. "You two couldn't stand each other. And even after you got to be friends, I figured the more the merrier. But when this soul mate thing came up... it wasn't that I thought it was weird, or that it made me uncomfortable. It was that its a connection you two have, that I can't share in. We've been best friends for three years, and you end up soul mates with someone you just met and didn't even like at first. I know it's childish and stupid, but it just didn't seem fair to me."

"I never meant to exclude you. You said you didn't want to know about it, so I didn't tell you. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to be involved, even you can't take part in the bonding. If I'd realized you were jealous, I'd have tried harder to get through to you."

"Well, it's not like I had 'I'm jealous' written across my forehead."

"No, but we're best friends. I should have known."

"I thought Spock was your best friend."

"He is. But so are you. And we've been friends longer. Bones, Spock and I didn't plan this. It happened to us. We didn't have a choice. And it's true that the soul bond is stronger than any other relationship, but that doesn't mean I care less about you, that I value our friendship any less."

"Any less than what?"

"Any less than I ever have! You've been with me from the beginning. We enlisted in Starfleet on the same day. We've been friends ever since. We've been through all kinds of shit together. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I have room for both of you in my life. And in my heart. OK? You don't need to be jealous!"

Bones was staring at his plate again. It took a while, but he finally looked up. Jim was startled to see tears in his eyes. He felt like an insensitive jerk for not figuring it out sooner. He hoped that they'd be able to move on from this, because he really didn't want to lose Bones as a friend.

"I think you'd better clear it with Spock before you start including me."

"Spock won't mind. So you forgive me for being an insensitive ass?"

"If you forgive me for being jealous."

"Done."

"Done."


	8. Chapter 8

The two friends were in the elevator on their way to the 4th floor where Spock was being treated when McCoy's communicator beeped. It was a text. He read it and snapped the device shut.

"He's out of surgery."

"Is he OK?" Jim asked.

"She didn't say."

To Jim it seemed like forever until the elevator doors opened. He dashed out of the lift and then realized he didn't know where to go. They hadn't been on this floor yet. He looked at McCoy. "Where is he?"

"He's probably in recovery. Come on, we gotta find him."

Jim hated hospitals to begin with, but traveling through a maze of corridors trying to find a loved one was maddening. He was beginning to feel a bit panicked when he realized he should be able to find Spock with his mind, or at least ascertain if he was OK. As they walked along, he fought to quiet his thoughts, push away the anxiety he was feeling and open himself up to Spock's spiritual presence. He slowed his pace just a bit, and McCoy noticed that he'd gone quiet.

"Jim, are you OK?"

"Yeah. I'm trying to reach Spock with my mind."

"You can walk and do that at the same time?"

"Shit, I don't know. I'm trying." He found himself getting frustrated. It didn't seem to be working. He stopped walking. Standing smack in the middle of the hallway, he closed his eyes and focused. He just needed to know that Spock was alive and was going to stay that way. He knew that Bones was talking to him but he couldn't make out what he was saying. He was focusing completely on finding Spock.

He felt a sensation like a mild electric shock. He saw, not with his eyes but with his mind, a light flash. It fluttered a few times and then grew stronger. He pictured himself moving toward it. As he got closer he felt the familiar well-ordered energy that was Spock.

_I am here, Jim._ That was all Jim needed. He breathed a sigh of relief. His soul mate was still with him. And now he knew where to find him.

"This way," he said, turning to the right down a new hallway. The sign came into view. SURGERY - RECOVERY.

"I'll be god damned," McCoy said. They went to the nurses station and asked for an update.

"He's out of surgery and in recovery. The surgery went fine. The artery is repaired as are his broken bones. Barring any complications, he will make a full recovery."

"Can we see him?" Jim asked.

"Not until he's moved to a room. It shouldn't be too long."

Frustration reared it's ugly head once more. He'd found Spock but he still couldn't see him. "Dammit!"

"Come on, let's go for a walk. I could use some fresh air."

"No, Bones, I wanna be here when they move him to a room."

McCoy went back to the nurses station and asked them to beep him as soon as the Vulcan was out of recovery.

"Will that work?" he asked Jim.

"Yeah, it'll work. Fine, let's go outside for a while. And we need to let Uhura know what's going on."

"Oh shit, I forgot about Uhura."

"I didn't. I just wanted to make sure Spock was OK before I called her."

They went to the ground floor and out into the afternoon sunshine. The sky overhead was a brilliant lavender blue, not a cloud anywhere to be seen.

"I wonder what gives the sky that lavender tinge. I'll have to ask Spock when he's well enough. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to tell me, down to the tiniest detail."

"I'm not sure I wanna be around for that," Bones replied.

Jim chuckled. Then he became serious. "OK, I'm gonna call Uhura. Wish me luck." He put the call through, and took the device off speaker. He waited for her to pick up.

"Captain?"

"Hey, Uhura. How's the teaching going?"

"Captain, what's going on? I know you didn't call me to chit-chat."

"No, unfortunately not. You know we're on Altair 4, right?"

"Yeah, camping trip. Has something happened?"

Jim could hear the anxiety in Uhura's voice. _Get to the point, Kirk. Don't keep her hanging._

"Yeah. Now don't freak out, because it's gonna be fine, but Spock got hurt." Jim heard her make a little strangled sound. He knew exactly what she was going through. "He took a tumble and sustained some injuries."

"What kind of injuries?"

A fractured left arm. And a fractured skull with arterial bleeding."

"Oh my GOD!"

"Uhura, he's OK. They've already repaired the artery and stabilized the broken bones. He's in recovery right now. We can't see him until he's in a room, so we're outside getting some air."

"When did this happen?"

"Late this morning."

"And you're just now calling me?" Now she was getting angry. He didn't blame her, but he had his reasons for waiting to make the call.

"The only reason I didn't call you sooner is that we wanted to wait to make sure he was OK first. It would have been foolish to call you while he was in surgery and not be able to give you an accurate assessment of his condition. You can understand that, can't you?" Silence. "Uhura? I wasn't trying to leave you out of the loop. I wouldn't do that. _Spock would have my ass._ He didn't say that out loud.

"You're sure he is OK."

"Yes. Barring any complications, he's gonna be fine. Listen, I'll have him contact you himself as soon as he's able to."

"You'd better."

"I will. I promise." He heard her cut the link. "Well, she's not happy. She doesn't like it that we didn't call her right away, as soon as it happened. I get where she's coming from, but calling her before we knew his condition would have been... illogical."

"Good God, now you're starting to talk like him."

"Not that much. And I'm rubbing off on him too. He smiles now."

"I've never seen him smile."

"He only smiles for Uhura and me. It's a pretty big deal, you know. It means he trusts us enough to let his guard down when he's with us."

"Come on, let's walk."

They walked the perimeter of the hospital complex, not wanting to get too far away since they were waiting for a call to let them know Spock had been moved to a room. The shadows were lengthening and the air was getting chilly when the call finally came. They went back to the door they'd come out of, checked in at the front desk and got Spock's room number. He was on the second floor. Jim all but ran to the elevator and hit the button.

"Dammit, Jim, wait for me!" McCoy skidded into the elevator just as the doors started to close. They opened on the second floor and Jim jumped out and started down the hall, looking at the numbers on the doors.

"243, 243, where the hell is 243?"

"Jim! This way." McCoy gestured to Jim to follow him. At last they found Spock's room. Jim had sprinted down the hall but now that he was at the door, he hesitated. He knew Spock would be bruised and bandaged. He knew it would be hard to look at. He took a deep breath and steadied himself, then he walked in. His breath caught when he saw his soul mate. Spock's left arm was in a cast up to the elbow. But it was the head wound that made Jim's heart constrict. The entire left side of his face was swollen and bruised in appalling shades of green. They hadn't wrapped his head but there were butterfly bandages going from his cheek bone up into his hair where the rock had hit him. Jim could tell they'd done some cell regeneration on the gash, and he figured they'd used a similar procedure to repair the damaged artery and knit the skull fracture. Spock's eyes were closed and he appeared to be asleep.

"He's unconscious," McCoy said softly. "You wanna sit with him for awhile?"

Jim just nodded. "OK," McCoy said, "I'm gonna go down and get some coffee. You want me to bring you back some?" Jim nodded again. McCoy patted him on the shoulder, turned and left. Jim stood looking down at his soul mate. It was shocking to see Spock injured, vulnerable, helpless. The Vulcan was always so strong and confident, but now it would be Jim's turn to be the caregiver.

He felt like someone had gripped his heart and squeezed. "Oh God," he choked out.

Spock's exquisite eyebrows drew together in a frown. His dark eyes fluttered open and focused on Jim. The frown disappeared, replaced by one of Spock's almost smiles.

Jim smiled back at him. "Hi," he said. Instead of answering, his friend grimaced in pain. The pain Jim felt was in his heart; it hurt to see his soul mate suffering.

Spock pulled in a breath. "Come over to this side," he said, gesturing.

"OK," Jim said. He picked up the bedside chair and took it around to the other side of the bed. Spock turned onto his right side. Jim sat in the chair and scooted it as close to the bed as he could. He was at eye level with Spock. The Vulcan extended his right hand. Jim took it and held it. He looked at the half cast on Spock's left arm.

"Are both bones broken?"

"Yes. They knitted the bones, but they do not want me to twist my wrist. Hence the cast."

"Your face looks like something out of an old horror movie."

"I can imagine. I must admit it is quite painful."

"Do you want me to call the nurse?" Jim didn't have to. The surgeon walked in right at that moment. Jim let go of Spock's hand and sat up. The doctor brought up Spock's chart on his tablet.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Spock?"

"As one would expect to feel with an injury such as this one."

"His head hurts," Jim interjected. "Can you give him something?"

The surgeon looked at him but didn't answer.

"I'm sorry. Jim Kirk, USS Enterprise. This is my first officer and best friend." _And my goddamn soul mate, who's suffering, so give him something for the pain..._

The doctor smiled. "And because he's Vulcan, we know that he will be stoic and suffer in silence, rather than take something that will make him feel better." He looked at Spock. "Are you allergic to any medications?"

"None that I am aware of."

"I have a pain killer that should work well for you. It's a synthesis of a Vulcan herbal preparation used for pain management."

"He's half human." Jim said.

"Yes, but there's no need for concern. The medication is compatible with Human physiology." The doctor took Spock's pulse and blood pressure. Satisfied that the Vulcan was stable, he made an entry on his tablet, then turned to Spock.

"I'll have a nurse bring you a dose of the pain meds. Once they take effect you'll be able to get some sleep."

"Thank you, Doctor," Spock said. The doctor nodded at both of them and left the room. Jim found Spock's hand again.

"Sorry for butting in like that, but I was afraid you wouldn't ask for the meds."

"I would have. In my current weakened condition, the pain is too great to manage without them."

Jim felt his throat tighten. He swallowed. He tried not to cry. It was a struggle, but he managed not to break down. He really wanted to stay strong for his soul mate. Jim looked past Spock and saw the nurse coming in. This time he didn't let go of Spock's hand until she went to hand the pill and water to him. He took the medication, she took the empty paper cups and left the room.

Spock looked at Jim with his warm brown eyes. "I must reveal something to you, Jim."

"What is it?"

"I feel a great longing to have you spoon me."

"Funny you should say that, because I wanna hold you so bad I can't stand it." Jim got up from the chair and started pushing the blankets around on the bed, tucking them up against Spock's body.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna spoon you. Scoot over just a little."

"Are you certain you wish to do this?"

"More than you can imagine. Move over." Spock did as Jim asked. Jim took his boots off and lay down beside his friend. He stayed on top of the blankets, which was why he'd tucked them in against Spock's body. He put his arm around him and pulled him close. He heard and felt his friend's sharp intake of breath. It set off a wave of sensation in his chest that spread through his heart and solar plexus. This was the feeling they craved, the profound spiritual connection, the resonating love that flowed through both of them when they came together like this. _Who needs sex when we can have this?_

Spock sighed. "Thank you, Jim. This feels wonderful."

"Yeah it does. And you don't have to thank me. It's my honor and pleasure to do this for you."

"All the same, I am grateful. I feel much better now. I believe the pain medication is working."

"I thought so. I can feel you starting to relax."

"I am getting sleepy."

"That's good. Take a nap. I'll stay here with you unless someone kicks me out."

"Are you certain?"

"Spock, right now nothing would make me happier than to hold you while you sleep."

"I believe I have neglected to tell you something today."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I love you, Jim Kirk." Another wave swept through him. It wasn't always easy for Spock to say the words, and Jim didn't fail to appreciate it when he did.

"The best five words I've heard all day. Go to sleep."

Between the warmth of Spock's body and the steady rhythm of his breathing, Jim dozed off. The stress of the day's events had worn him down, and there was nowhere that he felt safer and more comfortable than with his soul mate. They drifted between the physical and spiritual realms together, almost as if in a mind meld, but not quite. It was more like they were sharing their dreams. Bits and pieces of conversations, altercations, arguments and expressions of love sparkled like dust motes caught in a beam of sunlight. Sunlight filtering through sheer curtains, early mornings, tai chi exercises... they always tried to sync their movements exactly... steam from the shower, the smell of soap and shampoo, whatever Spock bathed with that left him smelling like some exotic aromatic resin, coffee and tea and Vulcan pastries, lifted eyebrows, almost smiles, Spock trying to "get" a joke that Jim told him, watching old movies, trying to get Spock to play one of his antique video games with him. Friendship, bonding, love.

There was someone else in the room. Jim's eyes popped open. Coming into view was the nurse who'd been on duty through the evening. She looked curiously at the two men lying together.

"He's sleeping," Jim whispered. "Are you gonna kick me out?"

"It's OK, I spoke to your friend Dr. McCoy. It's really not permitted for you to be doing this, but they're making an exception for the two of you."

"Whoever 'they' are, thank them for me."

"It was Dr. McCoy who spoke up for you. He was here earlier. He said to tell you he's going back to the lodge and to call him if you need anything."

"Thank you."

She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her. Jim smiled to himself. She probably thought they were lovers. He didn't care what anyone thought, as long as they let him stay with his soul mate. He wondered what time it was, but the clock was behind him and he didn't want to risk waking Spock to turn and look at it. All he knew was that it was dark outside. Not that it mattered. He wasn't going anywhere.


	9. Chapter 9

Something was nagging at Jim in his sleep. Two somethings. He fought waking up, but found himself aware of his surroundings. One thing bothering him was that his right arm was stiff from being bent under the pillow his head was on. The other was a certain bodily function he really needed to attend to. Like it or not, he was going to have to get up. He carefully moved away from Spock, trying not to to disturb him. The Vulcan didn't wake up. He rolled off the bed and headed to the bathroom. Once finished there, he went back to the bed, glancing at the clock as he did. 6:17AM. The sun would soon be rising. He'd been here all night. He sat down in the chair instead of getting back on the bed. It was probably too early to call Bones. He really wanted some coffee, but was hesitant to leave Spock. He thought about mind melding with him to let him know where he was going, but decided against it, because he didn't know if it was a good thing to do with a head injury.

He looked around the room, trying to decide what to do. His eyes came to rest on a small pad of paper and a pen. Old school, but it would work. He picked up the pad and pen and left Spock a note. 'Gone to get coffee. Be right back. Jim'. He wrote the time on the note and left it beside his friend on the bed. He put his boots back on and left the room. He was in the elevator on his way to the cafeteria when his communicator beeped. He flipped it open. "Kirk here."

"Good morning. How's our friend?"

"Bones! I was gonna call you but I was afraid you'd still be asleep. He's still sleeping. I'm on my way to get coffee. Are you still at the lodge?"

"Yeah but I'm on my way over. Why don't you wait and we'll get breakfast?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you in a bit." Jim decided not to wait to get coffee. He took his cup to the outdoor eating area and sat down at a table. The morning was crisp, clear and cold. The low humidity made it feel even more so. This place was so much like North America's southwest desert, it was almost weird. If the colors hadn't been a little off it would be almost identical. The sun was rising over the red rock landscape into a cloudless lavender blue sky. The red raven lookalikes were wind surfing the air currents, dipping and climbing in the morning sun. Jim wondered where he'd left his camera. It was probably in Spock's room. He sat sipping his coffee and watching the sun rise. Presently he heard a voice call his name.

"Jim". He turned around and saw McCoy heading toward him. He got up from the table. They went back in and got breakfast. They sat inside; the morning was a little too chilly for outdoor dining.

"Thanks for getting them to let me stay with Spock last night. How did you get them to agree to it?"

"I told them I'd take responsibility for it. And since I couldn't tell them you two are soul mates, I sort of led them to believe you're a couple. I hope that was OK."

"They can think whatever they want. Spock and I needed to be together. So thank you. I owe you big time."

"You're welcome. I knew you'd wanna stay with him."

"Any idea when they'll release him?"

"I gotta talk to the surgeon, see what he thinks. Probably tomorrow."

"Can't they release him into your care today?"

"Sure, but if he's here they can act quicker if something goes wrong."

"They're worried something's gonna go wrong?" Jim didn't like the sound of that.

"They're not worried, but he did have a leaking artery. They have to make sure it stays sealed. If he's here they can keep an eye on him, make him stay in bed, stay quiet. Once he's out of here they have no control over whether he follows the doctor's advice."

"But you're his doctor. You can keep an eye on him."

"I can, but I'm not the surgeon. He'll have to assess his condition and approve his release. Just try to go with the flow, Jim. Whatever is decided will be in Spock's best interest. OK?"

"OK. Shit, I left him a note telling him I was going for coffee and would be right back. I wonder if he's awake yet."

"Let me check in with the nurse." McCoy pulled out his personal communicator and called. "He's still sleeping? We're down at the cafeteria. If he wakes up before we get back, let him know we'll be up shortly. Thanks." He closed the device.

"He's still asleep. Now quit worryin' and eat your eggs."

_xxxxx_

Spock was being examined by the surgeon. The doctor listened to his heart, took his blood pressure, and flashed a light in his eyes to check his pupil reaction. He ran a tricorder over Spock's head, checking the newly repaired artery. The nurse on duty administered a dose of pain meds.

"Ok, Mr. Spock. I want you to get up and walk across the room. Before we can release you we have to make sure you can move about without becoming dizzy." Spock sat up carefully. He did feel slightly light-headed but it didn't seem to be anything he couldn't handle. Sitting up made his head hurt, making him glad they'd just given him pain killers. The doctor and nurse flanked him as he stood.

"How do you feel?" the doctor asked.

"Slightly light-headed. Weak. I am experiencing pain at the fracture site."

The doctor nodded."All normal. Let's walk." They slowly walked with him to the door. Spock was concentrating on remaining on his feet when he heard a familiar voice. He looked up and saw Jim and Dr. McCoy about to enter the room. He made eye contact with his soul mate. Jim looked concerned. Then he smiled.

"Ok, Mr. Spock, lets turn you around and get you back to the bed." Spock looked Jim in the eyes again before turning around and walking back across the room. This time they stepped away and let him walk unsupported, but close enough to help him if he became unstable. He made it back to the bed without incident. Once they had him settled, they left the room.

McCoy spoke first. "How ya feelin?"

"As well as can be expected. I still require pain medication and I am feeling weak. It is most disconcerting."

"Actually you're lucky you're not worse off," McCoy said. "I'm going to consult with your doctor today and see when he thinks he can cut you loose."

"Cut me loose?"

"Release you, Spock," Jim said. "Let you out of here."

"Ah. I hope it is soon. I am not enjoying being here."

Jim smiled. "Nobody likes being in the hospital, but they have to make sure you're stable before they let you out."

"I can assure them I would be much happier and would heal sooner if I am allowed to go home."

"You won't be going home, Spock," McCoy said. "Not for a few days, anyway. We've got a room at the lodge. That's where you'll be going."

"Any place is better than this hospital. Do not misunderstand me; this is an excellent facility. The staff has been kind, caring and accommodating. However, I still wish to leave. Is this illogical?"

"You're asking us what's logical and what's not? Spock, everyone hates being in the hospital. Bones will get you out of here as soon as he can."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"Don't thank me yet. They may make you stay another night. I'll do what I can. I'm gonna go see if I can make an appointment to talk to him, unless he's got a few minutes right now. I'll see you two in a bit."

Once the doctor had left the room, Jim bent and hugged Spock gently. Spock returned the gesture. Jim's vibrant energy was like an anchor, holding him steady in the turbulent sea of his infirmity. He found himself hoping fervently that they would release him today so that he could sleep with Jim tonight. The hospital staff had violated policy to allow Jim to spend the night with him last night. Spock was not certain they would allow it again. The thought of having to sleep here alone brought a wave of anxiety which left him feeling puzzled. Surely he was not so dependent on Jim that the thought of being without him for one night would be so disquieting.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Jim asked, a puzzled expression on his face.

"I was experiencing anxiety at the thought of having to spend tonight here alone. I do not think the staff will let you sleep here with me again."

"Let 'em try to stop me."

"It is puzzling to me that the thought of being without you causes me such anxiety."

Jim's brows drew together in a frown. _Have I... hurt Jim's feelings? Human emotion is frustratingly complex..._

"I do not mean to imply that I should not want to have you with me. Of course, I do. But thinking about being here without you is at this moment causing me anxiety that is bordering on panic. This is an over reaction. Perhaps it is a side effect of our bond."

Jim's expression lightened. "Do you remember right after we had the fight when you broke my jaw?"

"Please do not remind me. I continue to be ashamed of my behavior..."

"Never mind that right now," Jim interrupted. Do you remember that I was really needy for a few days? I didn't want to let you out of my sight. This sounds like the same thing."

Spock mulled this over for a moment. "Yes, this does sound similar."

"Of course it's causing you anxiety, because it's really hard for you to feel out of control in any way. Look, if they won't let you out of here today, I'll stay with you tonight even if I have to sleep in this chair. At least I'll be close by."

"I could not allow you to do that. It would be far too uncomfortable for you."

"Yes, but it would be helpful to you, and that's more important. I can get over a stiff neck. You don't need to lay here with an anxiety attack all night. You wouldn't sleep, and you have to rest or you won't get well."

"Jim..."

"Spock, I love you. I'm not going to let you suffer if there is any way I can prevent it. Wouldn't you do the same for me?"

"Without hesitation."

"OK, then, that's that. Let's wait till we hear from Bones before we talk about this anymore."

There was some activity at the door. Both men looked up to see a woman entering the room carrying a tray.

"Breakfast is here," Jim said. "Are you hungry?"

"... Yes, I am."

"Good. Listen, I'm gonna go back to the lodge. I really need a shower and a change of clothes. I'll be back soon, OK?"

Spock nodded. Jim clasped his hand, and then left the room.

_xxxxx_

Before Jim left the hospital, he called McCoy. "Did you talk to Spock's doctor?"

"Yeah, they're going to release him this afternoon."

"Oh, good. Spock is having an anxiety attack over having to stay here again tonight."

"Why's that?"

"To be honest, he doesn't want me that far away from him. It's part of the soul mate bond. When one or the other of us is in a vulnerable state, we want to be close to each other."

"Yeah, I don't know if they'd let you sleep with him again tonight."

"I told him I'd sleep in the chair if I had to. I won't leave him alone if he's having anxiety attacks."

"Well, you won't have to sleep in the chair. It'll be a few more days till we can go back to Earth, though."

"That's no big deal. He'll be with me, with us. That's what he needs right now. Where are you?"

I'm just leaving the surgery floor. Where are you?"

"I'm headed for the lodge. I'm in dire need of a shower."

"You want me to go give him the good news? Or would you rather tell him yourself?"

"No, you go ahead and tell him. The sooner he relaxes, the better. I told him I'd be back after I clean up."

"OK, I'll tell him. Call me when you're ready to head back over here."

"Will do."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: OK, McCoy fans, here's something for you. I think you'll like it!**

Dr. McCoy took the elevator to the second floor. He was on his way to tell Spock he was getting out of the hospital this afternoon. He was a little surprised that Jim hadn't wanted to tell him, but maybe Jim thought it would give Spock and himself a chance to interact a bit without him present. Spock was tough to communicate with at times. His logic was annoying. Conversely, Spock found McCoy to be entirely too passionate and emotional. Jim enjoyed the dynamic between the two of them, though he had mentioned to McCoy that he wished he and the science officer could learn to get along. Now that Bones was in on the whole soul mate deal, he supposed he'd have to make more of an effort. The three of them spent a lot of time together, and McCoy was damned if he was going to be a third wheel.

He walked into Spock's room. The Vulcan was sitting up and reading from a tablet. When he looked up and saw McCoy coming in, he switched the tablet off and set it beside him on the bed.

"Doctor."

"Spock. I know you're probably getting tired of people asking this, but how are you feeling?"

"I am steadily improving. Were you able to speak with the surgeon?"

"Yep. He's gonna release you this afternoon." Bones was surprised to see the change in Spock's expression. The Vulcan was relieved. Not that he blamed him; he just didn't expect to be able to see it on Spock's face.

Spock pulled in a breath and let it out. "That is wonderful news. Thank you, Doctor."

"Don't mention it. All I did was ask him if he thought you were ready to be released, and he agreed with me that you'd be better off out of here. He seems to know a lot about Vulcans."

"Vulcans are his specialty. It is fortunate that it was he who became my doctor for the surgery and subsequent treatment."

McCoy nodded. "He said it may be up to five days before we can take you back to Earth, so I hope you're ready to hang around a while longer."

"If I will be with Jim and yourself, I will be content to wait until I am ready to travel." McCoy was surprised to be included in Spock's statement. He'd always been convinced that Spock didn't like him. But then, he hadn't liked Spock all that much either. He realized that he really wanted them to learn to get along, for Jim's sake if for no other reason.

_xxxxx_

Spock was released shortly after lunch. Jim had come back from the lodge and the three men hung out together until it was time to take the Vulcan back with them. Jim was relieved that his soul mate wouldn't have to spend another night in the hospital. He would have slept in the chair, willingly, but he was glad he didn't have to. Tonight they would sleep in a queen-sized bed together. Plenty of room to be comfortable, though Jim knew they'd be spooning or otherwise entangled with each other. He had a feeling that Spock would want to keep him very close. He just hoped they wouldn't freak out Bones. It would be a test to see if McCoy really was on board with their soul mate bond.

"I think we need to come back here," Jim said as he sat on Spock's bed. Spock was dressed in street clothes they'd brought him from the lodge. Jim was happy to see him out of a hospital gown. His soul mate looked immeasurably better than when he'd first arrived. The bruises were healing and his arm was out of the cast.

"No two thousand meter canyons this time," McCoy said dryly.

"I think we should hit one of the beach areas. There are some really nice ones here."

"Oh, good. Then we just have to worry about someone drowning or getting eaten by a shark."

"Do you know how to swim, Spock?"

Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim. "Of course."

"I'd love to go horseback riding on the beach," Jim said

"I haven't done that in years," McCoy replied.

Jim looked at Spock. "Have you ever ridden a horse?"

"I have not. I have ridden similar animals on Vulcan, however."

"It's probably not all that different," Jim said. "OK, so the next trip, we go camping on the beach and go horseback riding."

"Fine," Bones replied, "but make sure you take us to a place with no large marine predators. I might wanna go body surfing."

"Or wave boarding. Can you picture Spock on a wave board?" Jim and McCoy started to laugh.

Spock raised both eyebrows. "I fail to see what you find amusing."

"I'm not surprised. The mental image of a Vulcan on a wave board is funny," Jim said.

"If you must insist on insulting me, please go do it elsewhere." The Vulcan sounded serious, and Jim was afraid he might have offended him, until he saw the almost smile at the corners of his friends mouth.

The doctor arrived soon after with release orders for Spock to sign and some last minute instructions for his patient.

"I want you to stay off your feet for the next few days. No going hiking with your friends. If you follow my instructions, you'll be able to go back to Earth by the end of the week."

"I would follow your instructions in any case, but the prospect of returning home is a definite incentive."

"You think of Earth as home?"

"Yes, especially in light of the destruction of Vulcan."

"I offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your planet, and your mother. I apologize if I've unsettled you with the mention of this tragedy."

"Dealing with the loss is an ongoing process. I appreciate your compassion."

The surgeon merely nodded. Spock handed him the tablet with his signature on the orders releasing him from the hospital. Soon after, they were on the shuttle heading back to the lodge.

_xxxxx_

Jim and Spock lay facing each other on the bed. Jim kept looking at his friend with a smile on his face. Spock's curiosity finally got the better of him.

"If I may inquire, why are you studying me so intently?"

"You have bed head."

I beg your pardon?"

"Your nice neat Vulcan hair is all messed up. It's called bed head."

"I doubt that my hair is any more disheveled than yours."

"Well, yeah, but it's so seldom anyone sees a Vulcan who's not perfectly turned out."

"Consider yourself privileged, in that case."

Jim smiled. "Believe me, I do."

Spock found himself studying Jim. His friend had the most exquisite blue eyes and a disarming smile. For a man who was captain of the flagship of Starfleet, he had an deceptively boyish face. There were times when his soul mate gave one the impression that he was little more than a boy, a misconception that took many by surprise once they learned what a strong and brilliant man he truly was. But for all that, Jim was young and in many ways innocent. Spock was suddenly hit with a shock of emotion. He felt his throat tighten and his eyes began to sting. Another ride on the emotional roller coaster commenced.

Jim's brows drew together in a frown of concern. "Hey, what's happening?" He touched Spock's face gently with the backs of his fingers. The gesture caused the last of Spock's emotional control to vanish. He blinked and tears fell.

"What? What are you feeling?" Jim asked.

Spock found himself unable to articulate. He just lay there staring into Jim's eyes.

"You need a hug?" Jim asked. Spock nodded. Jim pulled him close, completely closing the gap between them. Legs straight, bodies in full contact, Jim's arm around him, Spock rode another wave of emotion. He knew Jim wanted to know what he was feeling but he still could not speak. He touched Jim's face and initiated a meld. As always, Jim was startled by the opening of contact. Once that had passed, Spock told him, without words, why he was crying. By the time he had finished, Jim was crying too. They held each other tightly, barely staying afloat in the torrent of emotion. After a time, Spock became aware of Dr. McCoy's presence in the room.

_The doctor is here_. _Invite him to join us._

Spock felt Jim's surprise. _Really?_

_Yes. _

"Bones," Jim called. The doctor came over to the bed.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"No. Spock wants you to join us."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. It'll be OK. It doesn't hurt."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Lay down on the other side of him."

Spock wondered if McCoy would be able to do this. He knew that it might be too much to ask. But then he felt the bed move, and felt the doctor near him.

"OK, now what?"

"Move closer to him. Make contact. Spoon him."

"Good God, I can't believe I'm doing this." McCoy did as Jim asked, scooting closer to Spock on the bed. Spock caught a thought from McCoy's mind. Jim heard it as well.

"It's not sexual, Bones. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Whatever. What should I do now?"

Jim spoke. "Just be here with us." Jim and Spock restarted the mind meld. Spock could feel McCoy's energy. He was surprised by what he felt. Under the curmudgeonly exterior was a caring, sensitive man. McCoy was a physician. One could not be a healer without compassion and concern for his fellow beings. It occurred to Spock that much of McCoy's gruff countenance was a shield to protect his inner self from the nastiness of the universe.

_Jim... if you are willing... invite him to join our meld... _

_Spock, are you sure?_

_Yes. He is your friend, and I wish for us all to be friends. Bringing him in will facilitate this. _

_Spock, I don't know what to say... _

_There is no need to say anything. _

_How do I do it?_

_You and I are melded. I will assist you to bring him in._

_xxxxx_

"Uh, Bones? He wants you to join our mind meld."

"What the hell?"

"Bones, please. It's important or he wouldn't be asking."

"...OK. What do I do?"

"Just be open. We'll bring you in." Jim reached across Spock and positioned his fingers on McCoy's face. With Spock's help, he brought the the doctor in. Jim's second of being startled was lost in Spock's reaction. He felt a tremor run through the Vulcan. It scared him at first, but then he realized it was Spock adjusting to McCoy's energy. Bones was adjusting as well; this was entirely foreign to him. He felt a flash of fear from McCoy's mind, and everything seemed to fling itself into the ethereal air, swirl, and then slowly settle into place. The fear vanished. Jim became aware of a vibration, and realized it was the three of them resonating. To his astonishment, the vibration was harmonious. McCoy's energy complimented theirs. Jim learned things about McCoy that he had only half known before, the same things Spock had just discovered. Although Bones was not bonded to them as they were to each other, there was a connection now that would remain once they were out of the meld and back in the physical world.

Jim felt Spock gently terminate the meld. The three of them found themselves back on the bed, in the room at the lodge. Bones got up and walked away from them. Jim hoped they hadn't pushed him too far. But McCoy just took a few deep breaths and sat in a chair at the small table in the room. None of them said anything. There was no need. McCoy had crossed a threshold into a new and deeper friendship with his two fellow officers. He and Jim smiled at each other, and the smiles became grins. Jim looked at Spock. He wasn't crying anymore. He was smiling along with them.


	11. Chapter 11

Jim and Spock sat on the veranda of Jim's apartment, having breakfast. It was a bright, pleasant morning. For a change, there was no fog. They were eating Vulcan pastries and fruit. Jim was drinking coffee; Spock had a cup of tea. Jim studied his soul mate. The bruises from the skull fracture were barely noticeable at this point. Spock was pretty much back to normal. He seemed lost in thought, however, prompting Jim to speak.

"You're pretty quiet this morning. What's on your mind?"

"I have been trying to reach Nyota. She is neither answering nor returning my calls."

"She's avoiding you. She's avoiding us."

"On what facts do you base this statement?"

"On the fact that she's not answering your calls or returning them. She can't be that busy. She doesn't wanna talk to you."

"Why would she be avoiding you?" Spock asked.

"Boy, you really haven't got a clue, have you? She's not comfortable with our relationship. She's jealous."

"Nyota is not jealous."

"I'd be willing to bet real money that she is. Think about it. You and I have been almost inseparable for the last, what, six weeks? We didn't mean to leave her out of things, but what we've been dealing with are things she couldn't have been a part of even if she'd wanted to."

"Nyota told both of us that she is supportive of our bond."

"Things change, Spock. Maybe she's having second thoughts."

"You and I cannot undo what we have done. She must accept it."

"She doesn't have to accept it. She can choose not to. Maybe she doesn't want to share you with me."

"She must, if she wishes to remain in a relationship with me."

"Spock. You're not paying attention. She may decide she doesn't want to remain in a relationship with you."

"I do not wish for us to break up."

"Of course not. I don't want you to break up either, but... look, you have to talk to her. Go track her down if she won't answer your calls. The longer you wait the harder it'll be."

Spock seemed truly confused. Jim didn't blame him for that. Relationships with women were problematic enough without throwing a half Vulcan and a soul mate into the mix. It made him glad he had no girlfriend right now. He found himself trying to push away feelings of guilt. Had he been selfish in agreeing to seal their bond?

"Spock, what would've happened if you and I hadn't sealed our bond?"

"I know of only three soul mate bonds in Vulcan history that were not sealed. In all three cases, the results were catastrophic. To refuse to seal the bond is foolish, dangerous and ultimately fatal."

"Fatal?"

"Yes. One's soul mate becomes, in essence, the other half of one's self. If the bond is not sealed, the two individuals live as only half a person, half of a greater whole. The overwhelming feeling of loss is enough to kill both of the individuals involved. I believe the Earth expression is 'dying of grief' or 'dying of loneliness'. Moreover, the two halves are so incomplete without the other that they will recklessly put themselves in dangerous situations without regard for their own safety. Without the other half of the pair, life becomes a burden, not worth living."

Jim was shocked by this. Realization dawned on him. "So that's why you fought so hard to keep me alive, get me to New Vulcan and get the bond verified and sealed?"

"Beyond the mere fact that you are a friend who was suffering, yes. If you had died before we could seal the bond, my life would have been meaningless. I would not have wished to go on without you. And my relationship with Nyota could never come close to filling that void. The Tal Fe'an Har is a bond like no other. It is a bond for life and beyond. It is an incredibly precious gift. If you are asking me if I regret sealing our bond, the answer is no. Never. I would not change it, I do not regret it and I would not give it up for anything. You are the other half of me, Jim. Could I have let you die? Absolutely not. Not if there was anything, anything I could do to prevent it."

Jim felt a rush of emotion. _Please, not the waterworks again... _Despite his attempt to control it, he began to tear up. Spock stood up, took Jim by the arm and pulled him to his feet. He gathered him into his arms and held him tight. "Do you not know how far I would go to protect you, to do justice to you, to save you? How very much I love you? When I thought I had lost you, I wished I had died with you, or at least could have taken your place. At that point we had not even bonded yet. We had no idea what was coming. But even then, my love for you pushed aside everything else."

Jim was unable to speak. He knew Spock loved him, as much as he loved Spock, but what Spock had just told him was something he hadn't known until now. The revelation was staggering. If he had ever had any doubt that the bond was real, true and meant to be, it was gone now.

_xxxxx_

Uhura was preparing her lesson plan for the following day when she heard her front door chime. She wasn't expecting any visitors, but she went to answer the door anyway. It slid open to reveal Spock standing outside.

"Spock! What are you doing here?" She stepped aside to let him in.

"You have been avoiding me. I have tried several times to reach you. You do not answer, nor do you return my calls."

"Wow. Trust a Vulcan to get right to the point. Come in. I'm getting my lesson plan ready for tomorrow." She gestured to a chair at the kitchen table where she'd been sitting. Spock sat, folded his hands on the table and looked at her expectantly. Clearly he was waiting for her to speak. She sighed and sat down across from him.

"I know better than to lie to you. Yes, I have been avoiding you. I needed some time to think."

"About what?"

"About you and the captain. I know I told you I was behind you guys one hundred percent, but..."

"You are having second thoughts."

"I guess I am. I've barely seen you since Kirk got out of the hospital."

"You have been off planet attending seminars and teaching."

"Not the whole time! We've been on one date since Kirk got out. I haven't been gone that much."

"I understand why you are upset..."

"Do you? Do you really?"

"Yes, I believe I do. You are jealous of my relationship with Jim."

"What the... you should have Jim teach you how to use tact. Forget that, he probably sucks at it too."

Spock frowned. "I know what tact is, but..."

"Never mind. It's an earth expression. It means you are not any good at something. Look, when I said I was behind you guys one hundred percent, I spoke before I really knew what the soul mate thing was all about. I still don't really understand it. All I know is that it's taking you away from me."

"What you say is true. I am here to explain why. Are you willing to listen?"

Uhura heaved a sigh. "Yes."

Spock told her everything he had told Jim just three days before, including the life and death nature of the bond. He left nothing out.

"So you see, there was really no choice. Neither of us could simply say 'no thank you' to the bond. We did not choose it. It chose us. We do not yet know the greater purpose. But we are bonded together for life and beyond. It does not mean that you and I cannot have a relationship. It does, however, mean that Jim will always come first. It is unfair to you, and I wish there was something I could do to make it easier. There is nothing. You must choose whether you wish to continue our relationship, or if we are to go our separate ways."

Uhura listened with an open mind. She knew that what Spock told her was the truth. Vulcans couldn't lie. It wasn't fair to her, but that was irrelevant. Spock and Captain Kirk had been chosen to be soul mates, and nothing could change that. And it was never their intention to hurt her.

She struggled not to cry. "I need some time to think things over."

"Take all the time you need. I do love you, Nyota. I do not wish to lose you. I know that I have already hurt you, and for that I am truly sorry." He stood.

"You're leaving already?"

"Yes. It would not be wise for me to remain any longer. I do not wish to influence your decision. The choice is yours and yours alone."

With that, he kissed her good-bye and left. It wasn't until he was gone that she allowed her emotions to surface. She had to put aside her lesson plan; she couldn't see it through her tears. She was glad they had gotten this out in the open, and talked about it. She was blown away by the true nature of the soul bond. She understood now why Spock was so focused on Jim. He couldn't not be. The captain was the other half of him. She tried to put aside the thought that she must not have been good enough to be Spock's soul mate. It wasn't a matter of being good enough. It was about a bigger picture, one that none of them could see all of as yet. She didn't know how she'd feel tomorrow, but right now she wasn't willing to let Spock go just because she had to share him with Kirk. There had to be a way to make things work out. Speaking of tomorrow, she really had to get the lesson plan finished. She pulled herself together and got back to work.

_xxxxx_

Jim was huddled in a blanket, sitting on the couch staring out the french doors of his living room. He hadn't seen Spock in five days and he felt like he was losing his mind. He couldn't concentrate, his emotions were more out of control than ever, he couldn't sleep and had no interest in eating. He literally ached to be with his soul mate. He dreamed about him, he woke up and reached out for him and then remembered he wasn't there. Spock had warned him that their separation would be difficult.

"More for you, Jim, than for myself."

"The curse of being one hundred percent Human," Jim replied.

"The fact that you are Human is in no way a curse," Spock admonished, "but it does leave you much more vulnerable to the side effects of Tal Fe'an Har."

"Is there anything we can do to lessen the side effects?"

"Unfortunately not. They must run their course. You could, however, ask Dr. McCoy for something to 'take the edge off', as you Humans say."

"You want me to have Bones drug me up so I can handle being without you? No way. If you can handle it, I can."

"Jim, please. You will suffer much worse than I will. I have meditation techniques to use with which you are unfamiliar. There is nothing wrong with accepting help. I do not wish for you to suffer."

"We'll both be suffering. Look, I at least want to try to get through it without having to take drugs."

So Jim had refused to take anything that would make the separation easier. He was beginning to think that had been a mistake. He was dismayed at how uncomfortable he felt in Spock's absence. He felt like half of him was missing. It made him think of what Spock had told him about the consequences of not sealing a soul mate bond. The two of them were sealed. If it hurt this much, felt this awful just to have his soul mate go away for a few days, what would someone feel like who's bond had not been sealed? He didn't want to think about it.

Spock had gone talk to Uhura, who was teaching at the Starfleet Academy annex on Kaleneb 3. Jim wondered how the conversation had gone. _It's none of your business, Kirk, _he thought, but then realized it was his business, whether any of them wanted it to be or not. Decisions made between Spock and Uhura affected him personally. He didn't want them to break up, but that was really up to Uhura. If she could deal with the fact that he, Jim, would always come first in Spock's life, they had a chance. Bones was handling it, but Bones was a friend, not a romantic interest. The dynamic between Uhura, Spock and himself would be very different. He couldn't picture them inviting her into a mind meld with them. It would be too personal. If there were any sexual feelings between them, he would feel it too. No, that would definitely be too weird. The bond between Spock and himself was not sexual in any way, a fact for which he was grateful. It wasn't that he couldn't have accepted such an aspect. It was just that the bond was complex enough without adding a sexual element.

He realized he was thinking about Spock again, and that thinking about him made his chest hurt... _that's what they mean when they say 'heartache'... _his hands were shaking and he felt anxious. _Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous! _He knew he should get up, do something, anything to take his mind off the trauma of the separation, but when he tried he found he couldn't focus. He'd tried to do Tai Chi exercises. That had been a joke. He couldn't even remember the moves, much less execute them. The thought of food made him nauseous. The thought of going out in public triggered an anxiety attack. He realized he had done little else besides sit on the couch and stare out the doors. He'd considered drinking himself into oblivion, but if he was going to do that, he might as well take the drugs Spock had suggested. The point of not accepting help was to see if he could handle the separation without it. He knew he was barely making it.

He heard his front door chime. He really, really did not want to get up and go answer it, but he heaved himself to his feet and went to the door. It slid open to reveal Bones standing outside.

"Good God, Jim, you look like all kinds of shit."

"Thanks. Nice to see you too," Jim said wearily. "Come in." Jim shuffled back to the living room and dropped into his spot at one corner of the couch. He tucked his feet under him and drew the blanket around his shoulders. McCoy helped him.

"How much longer is Spock gonna be gone?"

"I'm not sure. The plan was for him to come back tomorrow. I haven't talked to him."

"Why haven't you talked to him?"

"Because talking to him and not having him here will just make me feel worse. I already feel bad enough."

"How bad is 'bad enough'?"

Jim felt his emotions surging again. He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I feel like I wanna die. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't concentrate. It's hell, Bones. It's pure fucking hell. When he told me the separation would be hard I had no idea it would be this hard." His voice broke. "If I'd known, I would have gone with him."

"Why didn't you go with him?"

"Because I felt it was something he needed to do on his own without me to influence him. And I'm sure Uhura would not have appreciated me tagging along. Spock wanted to take me with him but I said no."

"He wanted you to take medication that would make this easier and you said no to that too. Why?"

"Well, you know how stubborn I can be. I wanted to try to deal with it without drugs. I almost started drinking until I realized that's basically the same thing."

"And you still refuse to let me give you something? It's like you wanna suffer. Makes no sense, Jim. You think Spock wants you to suffer?"

"No, of course not. He all but begged me to let you drug me up. I told him no way. If he can handle it, so can I."

"He's a Vulcan, Jim. He can meditate. He can control it, at least to a certain degree. You don't know how. You're torturing yourself. Is it some misguided attempt on your part to prove how much you love him?"

Jim wiped tears from his face. "Maybe. I don't know. But I've made it this far, and I don't want to give in to it now."

"Jesus. I don't know whether to admire you or have you committed. You said you don't wanna talk to him, and I can understand why. But let me ask you this. Would you like me to contact him and find out when he'll be back?"

"If you'd do that for me, I'd be grateful. But go in the other room. I don't know if I can handle hearing his voice."

_xxxxx_

McCoy went into the bedroom. He keyed up Spock's ID number on Jim's tablet. After a few seconds of static, Spock's face appeared on the screen. Bones noted that the Vulcan wasn't looking much better than Jim. His expression was pinched and he had dark smudges under his eyes.

"Doctor McCoy."

"Spock, you don't look much better than Jim. How ya holdin' up?"

"The separation has been excruciating. Since you are contacting me from Jim's tablet, I assume that you are with him."

"Yeah, I stopped by to see how he's doing."

"And how is he?"

"Let's just say I hope you're gonna be back here soon."

"Doctor, please."

"He's having a really hard time, and he still won't let me give him anything."

"Why did he not contact me himself?"

"He says it hurts too much. Spock, just get your ass back here A-sap. OK?"

"My transport is scheduled to arrive early tomorrow morning. If I can find a way to get home sooner, I will do so."

"You want me to tell him that?"

"Tell him I will be home tomorrow morning. And Doctor..." Spock hesitated before saying, "Please tell him that I love him."

"You got it." Bones cut the link. He took a deep breath. He was glad he had something to tell Jim. He went back to the living room. Jim was still curled up on the couch, staring at nothing, tears leaking from his blue eyes.

"OK," McCoy said as he sat down beside his friend. "His transport arrives tomorrow morning. So you're almost done. And Jim?"

Jim looked at Bones. _OK, Leonard, get ready for the flood... _"He said to tell you he loves you."

_xxxxx_

The transport ship was stuffy, crowded and noisy. Spock would have preferred to sit without any other people around but that was not possible. He managed to find an aisle seat in the back third of the ship, next to a Rigelian woman and her child. The toddler was sleeping, and his mother, mercifully, did not try to engage Spock in conversation. He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep or meditating, though he did not feel sleepy or meditative. He felt sick. His head hurt, he was having trouble concentrating, his skin felt too hot, his muscles ached and his stomach was upset. Even worse, his emotions were all over the map; he went from anxiety to feeling like he wanted to cry, faster than he could keep up. He was dismayed by the level of discomfort he was feeling. He'd known ahead of time that being separated from Jim would be difficult, but he had no idea it would be this bad. What hurt even more was knowing that whatever distress he was feeling, Jim was in far worse shape. He was, according to Dr. McCoy, 'having a really hard time'. Spock felt physical pain at the thought of his soul mate suffering. It felt like being punched in the solar plexus. It made it hard to breathe. He fought to steady himself, still his mind and control his physical symptoms. Slowly the pain eased and his mind began to clear. He had no guarantee it would remain that way.

He'd tried to find a faster transport but there were none to be found. He was almost home now, but if he could have cut even a few hours off the trip, he'd have done it. He wondered how long it would take for the physical effects to subside once he was with Jim. He hoped it would happen quickly. As it stood now, it was all he could do to not constantly think of Jim. He felt an intense need to touch him, hold him. It was most disconcerting. A Vulcan should not be so out of control. But he knew why he was feeling like this. The side effects of the soul bond broke down his emotional barriers, and stripped him of his logic and reason.

McCoy had contacted him to inquire when he would be home. At first he'd wondered why Jim had not contacted him, but then he remembered the one time during his absence when he had talked to him. His friend had not been able to handle the stress of speaking to him while being separated from him. He said it hurt too much. It had been extremely difficult for Spock as well. They had not spoken since then. There was nothing to do now but wait until tomorrow morning when he would finally be reunited with his beloved soul mate.

_xxxxx_

McCoy was watching Jim with a great deal of concern. The doctor had just helped his friend through an emotional meltdown, holding him as he sobbed. Bones had never seen Jim so out of control and it scared him. If this was what a soul mate bond was like, he was fine without it. Then he remembered that what Jim was going through now was a side effect of the bond, and supposedly would diminish over time. He hoped that time would come soon, because he hated seeing Jim so vulnerable. It was completely at odds with the strong, confident man who was his best friend. Jim sat staring out the window. He was shivering.

"Are you cold?" Bones asked him.

"No, I'm just... in shock, I guess. That's the only way I can think of to describe it."

"When was the last time you ate anything?"

Jim had to think about it. "Yesterday morning."

"You haven't eaten in almost two days?"

"The thought of food makes me wanna hurl. I tried. I just couldn't do it."

"No, you have to eat something, or I'm gonna haul you to Medical and put you on a IV."

"Like hell you will. No way."

"Well then you have to at least try to eat. What's in your fridge?"

"Not much right now. Bones, I'm not hungry. I don't feel like eating."

"Too bad. What about some soup, something easy to get down?"

"I don't have soup. Are you gonna cook?"

"No, but I could call that deli that has the chicken soup you love." There was a jewish deli not far from Jim's apartment complex where they made a chicken soup with matzoh balls that was a favorite of Jim's.

"If you get me some, I promise I will try to eat it."

"Fair enough." Bones called and ordered take out. When the soup arrived, he ladled some into a mug and dropped a spoon into it. He took it out to the living room where Jim was still curled up on the couch.

"Here. It's hot, so be careful."

"Aren't you gonna have some?"

"Hell yeah, I love the stuff." Bones went back to the kitchen and returned with a bowl of soup for himself. He sat beside his friend on the couch. He watched Jim sniff the contents of the mug. He took a spoonful of the broth and tasted it. Bones watched his expression change. He looked just a little less miserable. He took another spoonful, and then another.

"See? I knew you were hungry. Once you got past the first bite your appetite kicked in, didn't it?"

Jim didn't reply. He just nodded and kept eating. McCoy smiled. He watched his friend begin to relax. The hot, tasty soup gave him something to focus on besides his misery, and it began to refuel his depleted body. He finished the soup in the mug and looked at Bones.

"Is there any more?"


	12. Chapter 12

Doctor McCoy looked at the clock on Jim's tablet. 4:07AM. He'd been sitting in the chair in the living room waiting for Spock to show up. Jim refused to go to bed, but had finally passed out on the couch. The respite afforded by chicken soup, unfortunately, didn't last long. He'd started shaking and then rocking back and forth. He was crying and short of breath. He still wouldn't let Bones give him anything, but he'd finally agreed to drink a shot of bourbon which, in his exhausted state, had relaxed him enough so that he fell into a fitful doze. Bones would sit here with him until Spock arrived.

At about 4:30, Bones heard the front door open. Spock was the only other person besides Jim who had the pass code. _Thank God, he's here. _He watched Jim's soul mate walk into the darkened living room. He made eye contact with McCoy, who's face was illuminated by the glow from the tablet. Spock then turned his attention to the couch where Jim lay sleeping.

"Let me just get my jacket and then I'll get out of your way," McCoy said softly. He got up and started for the kitchen.

"Doctor, wait," Spock whispered. McCoy stopped and looked at him.

"Thank you for caring for him in my absence. It could not have been easy for you."

"No, it wasn't, but you're here now, so the ordeal is over. I don't wanna keep you from your reunion." He handed Jim's tablet to Spock, pulled his jacket off the kitchen chair where he'd left it, and went out the door.

_xxxxx_

Spock knelt beside the couch and looked at his sleeping soul mate. A small part of him hesitated, knowing that once Jim awoke and found him there, all control would be lost, all barriers shattered, and emotion would be overwhelming. But for all his trepidation, he could not hold back any longer, so great was his need to reunite with Jim. With a trembling hand, he touched his friend's face. Jim frowned slightly, and then his eyes flew open.

"Spock!" Jim launched himself at his friend, flinging his arms around him and tumbling the both of them to the carpeted floor. Jim ended up kneeling on top of Spock, who wrapped his arms around Jim's back and held him close.

"Oh my God," Jim exclaimed, lifting his head so he could look into Spock's eyes. Spock gazed into Jim's eyes which were swimming in tears. Jim blinked and a drop fell onto Spock's cheek. It was in that moment, with his soul mate's tears falling on his face, that Spock lost control of his logic, his reason, and his emotions. He let out a strangled sob and gave himself up to the tidal wave of love, the overwhelming feeling of relief, and the almost heart-stopping sensation of reunion with the other half, the best part of himself. In all of his struggles with emotion, from his childhood to the present, he had never had an inkling that he would come to love someone this much. There had been times when the depth of his love for Jim had confused him, even frightened him, but in this moment everything seemed to fall into place. It could not be dismissed as coincidence. From their adversarial beginning through tentative friendship and earned trust, to life-threatening events, to love and finally, eternal bonding, this was meant to be.

"I am sure we can find a better place to reunite than on your living room floor," Spock said when he was finally able to speak.

"Right. Come on." They helped each other to their feet and went to the bedroom. They didn't lie down, but instead sat face-to-face in preparation for a mind meld bonding. Neither of them suggested it to the other. They both knew it was what they wanted, and needed, to do. Foreheads touching, hands clasped, they made the transition from the physical to the spiritual realm. As always, Jim was startled by the initiation of the meld, but it passed quickly and he found himself standing, facing Spock. They were at Spock's door to their joined sanctuaries. Spock unlocked and opened his door, and they went inside. As always, they locked the door behind them They traveled through the merging chamber, into Jim's domain, and then back to the chamber. Spock wanted to grab Jim and rush the merge, but he held himself back. It would be better, sweeter, more fulfilling if they took their time. Jim tried to move into Spock, but the Vulcan put his hand up and stopped him. Jim was puzzled.

"What? What are we waiting for?"

"We must not rush. We must take our time and make this merging special."

Spock watched as a slow smile spread across his soul mate's face. His blue eyes twinkled. "Be careful what you wish for," he said softly. Spock was about to ask him what he meant when he was rendered weak in his ethereal knees by a soul caress from Jim. He felt the touch withdraw and gasped, wanting desperately for more. Jim reached in and touched him again, setting off fireworks of pleasure deep inside him. Again Jim retreated, leaving Spock breathless.

"What are you doing?" he gasped.

"Seducing you. Do you like it?" Jim touched him again, more deeply this time. Spock let out a moan. Jim continued the contact, allowing the tension to build before withdrawing again. Spock wanted to scream. He wanted to beg Jim not to stop, he wanted to grab his soul mate and bury himself inside him, but he couldn't. Jim was in control and he knew it. Spock was at the mercy of a man who was well adept at the art of seduction; physical, rather than spiritual, but the same principles applied. Advance, retreat, touch, withdraw, tease, withhold. He wondered if it were possible for Jim to drive him insane with this spiritual foreplay. It would be a sweet madness, to be sure. He tried to reach out to Jim, and was answered by his soul mate withdrawing even further.

"Jim. Why do you withdraw from me?"

"Because it's my turn. You can be in control next time. What's wrong? Don't you like what I'm doing?" He favored Spock with a coy smile.

"You know that I do, but you are torturing me. Please, do not hold back from me. I need you."

"Tell me you love me."

"You know that I do."

"Say it. Say the words."

"I love you..."

"Say it again."

"Jim!"

"Say it!"

"I love you! I love you with everything that I am. With all my heart. I love you, forever..."

"That's what I wanted to hear." Jim reached in again, and this time he did not withdraw. Spock moved into Jim and this time his soul mate did not pull back. He felt Jim's pleasure melding with his own. Suddenly the climax was imminent, almost upon them, and just before the explosion of ecstasy drove them both into oblivion, Jim locked eyes with him.

"I love you, Spock. You are my heart... I love you... forever!"

The shock wave hit them, pleasure and release so intense it staggered their ethereal bodies. The waves of pleasure crossed, blended and drove through them again and again. Time seemed to stop, everything ceased to be except for the two of them locked in a climax like none they'd experienced before. They both cried out and held tight to each other. After what seemed like a long time, the waves began to slow, the pleasure to ebb, their minds to register thought. Spock found himself wondering if Jim's climax was as intense as his own. He pulled away enough to look into Jim's eyes. They were the eyes of his soul, not his body, and Spock could feel that Jim's efforts had paid off for both of them.

Spock was the first to speak. "That... was... amazing."

"My welcome home gift to you."

"A gift like that may make me want to go away more often."

"You'd better not. I don't ever want to go through that kind of misery again."

"I apologize. I had no idea it would be so difficult. If I had, I would have insisted you accompany me."

"Water under the bridge. We survived. And we just had the best merge ever."

"Indeed. You must teach me how to do what you did. I wish to do it for you."

"Oh, I'll teach you, don't you worry about that." They held each other, their souls vibrating in harmony, humming with the afterglow of the merging. Presently they both sensed that it was time to leave, to go back to the physical world. They left the way they came in, through Spock's door, locking it behind them. They faced each other and made the transition.

They were sitting facing each other on the bed. Jim spoke.

"I don't know what the hell we do over there, but I sure come back feeling good. Do you?"

"Yes, most definitely. Even more so this time, after the agony of being separated."

"That was a mistake, wasn't it? I should have gone with you. Hopefully it won't ever happen again, but if it does, remind me what a stubborn ass I can be."

"As you wish. I am in need of sustenance. May I take you out for breakfast?"

"Sounds great. But let's take a shower first. I don't even remember when I bathed last."

"Do you wish for us to shower together?"

"Sure, why not? Unless it would be uncomfortable for you."

"Hardly. We have been through life and death together, to hell and back, as you would say. We love each other. We are soul mates. Bathing together will not make me uncomfortable. Not in the least."

"Well let's get to it. I'm starving!"

Jim's bathroom was not luxurious, exactly, but it was well-appointed. The tub and shower were separate. The shower had two heads, both detachable, and a bench to sit on. It was easily big enough for two bathers. It had been a great place to play when he brought women to his apartment. He hadn't had even a date since before the incident with Khan and Admiral Marcus. Since before they went to Nibiru. There was a time, not long ago, when a dry spell that long would have made him wonder if he was losing his edge. Now, "skirt chasing", as Spock had put it, was about the furthest thing from his mind. Not that he'd had the time, or been healthy enough for such things lately, but even if he had, it no longer held his interest.

He was a little surprised that Spock had agreed to share the shower with him. The last time Jim had offered to accompany him was after the camping trip, when Spock was still dizzy and unsteady on his feet. His friend had declined his help, and managed the shower on his own. Jim had been a bit confused by that, but when he thought about it he decided that Spock was attempting to regain his independence. Vulcans were notoriously uncomfortable with vulnerability. But things were very different today. They had gone through a painful separation and a joyous reunion. Jim was feeling very close to his soul mate. Maybe Spock was feeling the same way.

Dual shower heads came in handy when one person liked their water at a different temperature than their bathing partner. Spock liked everything warmer than Jim; water, food, weather, clothing. Much of Vulcan had been hotter than Earth's hottest deserts. New Vulcan was much the same. The elder Spock had taken great care to make sure the planet was as close to Vulcan as possible.

A lot of fun could be had in a shower with two detachable heads. Not long after they'd gotten into the shower, the soul mates had a water fight. Spock was momentarily confused when Jim turned his to the power spray and aimed it at him, but soon he went after Jim the same way. Jim laughed out loud and Spock tried not to laugh, but smiled in spite of himself. They yelled and dodged each others attacks like young boys playing with the back yard sprinkler. There was no inhibition, no shyness, no hesitation. They were completely at ease being naked in the shower together. The time spent playing in the water was a celebration of their bond and of the joy of their reunion after the trauma of the separation. Finally they ran out of hot water and had to get out. They toweled off side by side and got dressed to go out for breakfast.

The Human and the Vulcan sat across from each other at a table in the outdoor eating area of the cafe. It was a place they frequented, and the owner and staff knew them. Spock had a chai latte, and Jim was drinking coffee. They ordered big breakfasts, Spock insisting that Jim go all out and have bacon, sausage, eggs, whatever he wanted. Jim was ravenous, so he obliged, ordering all of it along with a stack of blueberry pancakes. Spock's plate had no meat, but was loaded with 3 bean hash, brown rice and a turnover made of multigrain flour and filled with fruit. Once the food arrived they ate in companionable silence, satisfying the hunger brought on by the events of the last several days. It was a relief to Jim to have his appetite back. It was a relief to have Spock back as well. He looked at his soul mate who was sipping his latte between bites of the turnover.

"What kind of fruit is in that thing?" Jim asked him.

"This one actually has apples in it. The filling will vary by region, season and whatever the baker has on hand at the time. Would you like a bite?"

"No, you eat it. I've had apple turnovers. When you get one that has Vulcan fruit in it, I'll try it."

"This does not taste like the apple turnover you are familiar with. The spices are Vulcan, and are quite different in flavor from cloves and cinnamon." He broke off a piece and offered it to Jim. Jim took it and bit into it. The taste was similar, but the spices were stronger, more pungent. There was almost a peppery flavor, and something deep and earthy. There was much less sweetener in the filling, and the crust was more dense and grainy. Still, he found he liked the taste.

"Hm, not bad. I still wanna try one with Vulcan fruit."

"The next time the bakery has some, I will get one for you."

Jim smiled. The morning was still cool but felt like it would warm up later. At least, warm by San Francisco standards. Earth's weather control kept the Bay Area from getting too gloomy, but a little fog added to the charm of the City. Jim doubted they'd ever completely get rid of the fog. The principle behind weather control was to prevent extremes that caused hurricanes, tornadoes and floods, not to completely change the weather in a given area. Today, the sun was burning off the fog, the air was warming up and the temperature was pleasant. This, combined with his full stomach, was making Jim sleepy.

"I feel like I need a nap," he said.

"After everything you have been through, I am not surprised. I too am feeling sleepy." The two friends drained the last of their tea and coffee, and left to go back to Jim's apartment.

Author's Note: We are coming to the end of the side effects that make the soul mates emotional basket cases. They will always want to be close. Will Jim ask Spock to move in with him? Will Spock say yes? Stay tuned!


	13. Chapter 13

By the time they got back to Jim's apartment it was mid-morning. The sun filtered through the sheer curtains on the bedroom window. The soul mates stripped to their undergarments. Jim flopped onto the bed and Spock lay beside him, propped up on one elbow. Jim was very sleepy, and dozed off almost immediately. Spock had noticed the change in Jim's appearance while sitting across from him at the cafe, but he hadn't commented or studied him at the time. Now that they were alone together, he noticed the dark smudges under Jim's eyes and the slight pallor to his complexion. He also observed that his soul mate had lost weight over the last several days. The separation had taken a much greater toll on Jim than it had on himself. He knew it would, but he felt guilty for having left Jim here to fend for himself while he went to talk to Uhura. The conversation with Nyota had been deemed necessary, and Jim supported his going to see her, and had refused to accompany him on the trip. Had Spock known how traumatic the separation would be, he would have insisted that Jim go with him, and if he refused, he would not have gone himself. It had been very difficult for Spock as well, but his visit with Nyota had occurred at the beginning of the trip, before the effects had really hit him. By the time he'd arrived at Jim's apartment he was in much worse shape, though still not as bad as Jim.

What was frustrating to Spock was that he had left Jim here, traveled all the way Kaleneb 3 to see Nyota, and had come home with nothing having been decided, no resolution to the dilemma he faced with her. He still did not know if they would continue their relationship, or not, how the nature of it would change, or how Jim and Nyota fit into his life as it was now. He felt sad at the realization that he could no longer give Nyota what she needed. The fact that it was not something he had chosen did nothing to lessen his feeling of having failed her. Nyota was a remarkable woman and she deserved better than to be second in a man's life. Though it... hurt, to admit it, he knew the only thing he could do, to do justice to both Nyota and Jim, was to let her go. Free her so that she could find someone who could give her what he could not, which was one hundred percent commitment. This was something he could offer only to Jim. He had no regrets about this. He only felt guilty because he had waited this long to come to a decision. He reminded himself that the circumstances were unique. How many sentient beings would be faced with such a choice? And if he were honest with himself, he knew there was no choice. Jim was his soul mate. Neither of them would ever know a stronger bond than the one they shared. He could not walk away from Jim if he wanted to, which he most certainly did not. He knew that if Jim asked it of him, he would commit himself to his soul mate completely, forsaking all others and make Jim his sole partner for life. He wasn't sure how he would handle Pon'Farr in that case, but there had to be a way to work it out.

But Jim had not asked such a thing of him. He did not know if he ever would. He knew Jim, and knew that at some point he would want to seek the company of females. Spock could not imagine his soul mate giving up women for good. It was possible, perhaps, but unlikely. Jim loved women. The trouble was that he loved them in the wrong way. He used them. He did not respect them. He viewed them as conquests, a most unsavory trait of some Human males. Spock found himself wondering if Jim was promiscuous and unable to make a commitment because of problems with his sense of self worth. For all his strength, intellect and bravado, there was a part of Jim that was a frightened boy, unsure of himself. Not many people saw it. Spock knew of it, as had Captain Pike. Jim was very good at hiding his insecurities. But one's soul mate could not be fooled, especially when said soul mate was half Vulcan. He knew Jim, in some ways better than the man knew himself.

Jim had told him that he no longer felt the desire to go out and pursue women. Spock found himself wishing that this were true. He didn't believe it, but he wished he could. He was suddenly shocked by the realization that he did not want to share Jim with random females. Was this jealousy? Was he jealous of females who could share something with Jim that he could not?

_Why couldn't I? Why couldn't I share it with him...? _Spock was dismayed by the thought. There had never been anything sexual between them. Not at all. The spiritual and emotional bonding was similar but not the same. Why would he be thinking these thoughts about Jim? _It is because you do not wish for Jim to share anything with anyone that he cannot also share with you._ The train of thought was disconcerting, to say the least. Jealousy was not a noble emotion, and he disliked feeling it in relation to Jim, for any reason. He knew it was something he would have to give more serious thought to, and, like it or not, he would have to discuss it with Jim as well.

He had been sleepy when they'd arrived at the apartment, but now his thoughts were keeping him from relaxing, from simply enjoying being with his soul mate. He rolled off the bed and went out to the living room. He felt confused, ashamed, guilty. He suddenly did not want to be in Jim's apartment. He went quietly back to the bedroom, retrieved his clothing, dressed in the living room, and left.

_xxxxx_

Jim woke up and stretched. _Man, that was a really nice nap_. He looked to see if Spock was still asleep beside him. Spock was not beside him at all. Thinking he was probably in the bathroom or the kitchen, he turned onto his side and waited for his soul mate to return. After a few moments, he noticed it was eerily quiet in the apartment. He sat up and noticed that Spock's clothing was gone. _What the hell? Did he leave? _He got up and searched the apartment. Spock was nowhere to be found. _Why would he leave and not wake me to let me know? What the hell is going on?_ He tried to reach him with his communicator. No answer. He tried again. Still, nothing. He felt a pit in his stomach. "Dammit, Spock, where the hell are you?" Not knowing what else to do, he called McCoy.

The doctor's deep, slightly southern sounding voice came over the speaker. "Hey Jim, how's it goin'?"

"Spock's missing."

"What do you mean, he's missing?"

"We went to breakfast, then came back here to take a nap. When I woke up just now, he was gone. I can't reach him. I'm worried, Bones."

"Jim, relax. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Maybe he just went for a walk."

"He wouldn't have done that without me, or without at least letting me know he was leaving."

"Maybe he just didn't want to wake you."

"No, Bones, something is wrong. I can feel it."

"Well, I haven't seen him, but I'll keep an eye open."

"Thanks. I'm sorry to bother you, but this is making me nervous and you're my other best friend. And he's your friend too."

"It's OK. If he shows up here I'll let him know you're lookin' for him, right after I open up a can a' whoop-ass on him for leavin' you when he knows you've been through an ordeal. Green-blooded hobgoblin."

"He wouldn't have left without a good reason. I just don't know what that reason is. You know how the imagination runs amok when you don't know for sure what's going on."

"Yeah, I know. Try to relax, OK? Don't start freakin' out for no reason."

"Too late, I'm already freaking out. Maybe I'll go out and look for him. I know some of his hangouts."

"You take it easy, dammit! Don't make yourself sick. Doctor's orders."

"OK, got it. Talk to you later."

"Yeah, OK."

Jim cut the link. _Where the hell is he? Why would he do this? Dammit! _Jim vacillated between being worried and being angry. He tried to call him again. Still no answer. _Come on, Spock, don't do this to me. Come back, or answer your damn com. _Jim debated whether to go out looking for him. He knew it would probably be a waste of time and effort to roam the city trying to find him. He knew some of Spock's hangouts. He liked to go to the Starfleet Academy library. He liked the chai lattes at the same coffee shop that Jim frequented. It occurred to him that he could call these places and ask if they'd seen him, but Spock was not an errant teenager out past his curfew. He was an adult who could do as he pleased. Calling around trying to find him felt too much like checking up on him.

He decided he'd better get dressed one way or the other. Having done that, he went out on the veranda and gazed out at the city. He thought about trying to contact Spock telepathically, but decided against it. This wasn't technically an emergency... at least, not yet. And if Spock didn't want to be found, Jim wouldn't be able to contact him. It was so damned frustrating!

As he was standing there thinking about how his soul mate was going to have some serious explaining to do, he felt a touch on his mind. He turned his head to one side and listened with his ethereal ears. Was it Spock? Who else would be able to contact him in this way?

_Spock?_

_Yes, Jim, it is me. _

_Where the hell are you?_

_I have been at the library. I am on my way home now. I apologize for leaving without telling you._

_Dammit, why would you do this?_

_I will explain when I arrive. Please try to relax and prepare to listen. We have much to talk about. _

Jim was about to ask him what the hell he meant by that when he felt Spock's presence fade. There was nothing to do now but wait for him to get back so they could have it out. Jim had, for the most part, gotten over the fear that he would do something so stupid or offensive that Spock would leave him. They were equally committed to each other. His soul mate wouldn't leave him. A thought occurred to him. Spock said he was on his way home. Did he think of Jim's apartment as home? Jim hoped that he did. Before he'd realized Spock had left, he was planning to ask him to move into the apartment with him. It seemed silly for Spock to have his own place when he spent almost all his time with Jim. Jim could think of reasons why the Vulcan might not want to live here with him, but he was fairly confident he could talk him into it.

Because he was outside on the veranda and lost in thought, he didn't hear Spock enter the apartment. He was standing at the railing looking out across the neighborhood when he felt his soul mate's presence. Before he could turn around, Spock was there and put his arms around him from the back. Jim wanted to pull away, to be angry at his friend but he found he just couldn't do it. He turned in Spock's arms and returned the embrace.

"Dammit, Spock, don't do this shit to me. You know it freaks me out." He felt the Vulcan's arms tighten around him. Suddenly he was concerned. Spock seemed upset. What the hell was going on?

"I am sorry. I needed to think, and I found I could not do it here."

"And you couldn't let me know you were leaving?"

"I did not wish to wake you."

"That's bullshit. I don't buy that for a second. You ran away from me, and I wanna know why."

Spock let go of him and sank into a chair. Jim sat opposite him. Anger turned to concern when he saw the look on Spock's face. He was clearly upset about something. He looked almost sad.

"Oh, shit. What's wrong?"

"It has come to my attention that I am jealous."

"Jealous. Of what?"

"Of the women in your life."

"But right now there are no women in my life."

"There will be."

"Wait, lemme get this straight. You're jealous of women I'm not even seeing right now? Spock, you have to know that makes no sense whatsoever."

"I do know it. That is why I had to leave. It was distressing to me. I needed some time alone to sort out my... feelings."

"I don't get it. I'm not seeing anyone right now, and I've told you more than once that I'm not interested in dating."

"But you will be. At some point, you will want to start having relationships with women. Those women will share something with you that I cannot."

"What? Meaningless sex? The key word being 'meaningless' which is why I'm no longer interested. Why the hell would I want that when I have what I have with you?"

"We do not have a sexual relationship."

"No, we don't. I thought we had something better. Am I wrong?"

"No, you are right. But there are things missing from our relationship."

"Spock, sex doesn't have to be part of our bond. Are you saying you want it to be?"

"I do not know. I am confused. I do not wish for you to share anything with anyone that you cannot also share with me. I know this is selfish, I know it does not make sense, but it is what I am feeling. Please forgive me."

"Forgive you? For what, being honest? I'm glad you're telling me this. I don't know what to make of it, how to deal with it, but I'm glad you're sharing what you're feeling. It means more to me than you probably know."

"I am disgusted with myself. I was sure you would be disgusted with me as well."

"Well, I'm not. You're dealing with emotions that you have no idea how to process. The mere fact that you have the courage to admit them to me speaks volumes. I'm proud of you."

"I am not proud of myself. I have admitted to feeling jealous and selfish. To feel such unsavory emotions in connection with you makes it worse."

"Why does it make it worse?"

"Because you are my soul mate. You deserve much better than this from me." Jim saw that Spock was on the verge of becoming emotional. He tried to think of something that would make him feel better.

"Spock! It's because you love me that you're feeling this way. Unsavory as it may be, it's normal. For humans, at least, and you are half human."

"I do not know what to do at this point. I am so confused. I love you, so much. I want to share everything with you. I do not want to be left out of any part of your life. Again, I am being selfish."

"It's not selfish. It's normal. When two people love each other as much as we do, they don't want to miss out on anything."

"You are not jealous of my relationship with Nyota."

"Yes I am. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. But if being with her makes you happy, then I can deal with it, because I love you, and I want you to be happy."

"Why, then, do I feel unable to deal with the prospect of you being happy with the women in your life?"

"Probably because these emotions are new to you, and you don't know what to do with them. Have mercy on yourself, Spock. It's a lot to process, for someone who hasn't had to deal with these kinds of feelings before."

Spock didn't say anything. He just looked miserable. Jim searched his mind for something to say, a way to get through to his distraught soul mate. _He needs a hug... _Jim stood and moved around to where Spock was sitting. Spock looked up at him with a slight frown. Jim held out his hands. Spock stood and stepped into his embrace. Jim felt him draw in a deep breath and let it out. "That's it. Relax. There's no need for all this tension, all this stress. Nothing is happening that we can't work through together. Let's go inside."


	14. Chapter 14

The two men went inside and sat on the couch. Jim put his arm around Spock. The Vulcan leaned into him and Jim felt him relax just a little. He took a deep breath and let it out. He was grateful that his soul mate was a little less stressed, but he knew they were nowhere near the end of this conversation.

"OK. So you have feelings that you're having trouble processing. You're feeling jealous of the non-existent women in my life." Spock opened his mouth to speak. "No, let me finish. Just listen. You don't want to share me with anyone else, and you feel guilty about that. You feel like there is something missing from our relationship. You're wondering if its sex. Trust me, it's not. You don't believe me when I tell you that I'm not interested in skirt-chasing anymore. You know me, and based on what you've seen of my past, you're sure I'll want to start pursuing women again. You feel like my female companions can give me something that you can't. Have I got it right so far?"

"The order is a little off, but yes, that is essentially it."

Jim shifted so he could make eye contact with his soul mate. "Fine. What do I have to do to convince you that I don't want to be a man-whore anymore?"

Spock frowned. "Man-whore?"

Jim explained. "Man whore is an earth expression. It means a man who has sex with multiple partners solely for the sake of sex, with no desire for commitment. Got it?"

"Got it."

"It's true that I used to be a man-whore. But I'm not anymore. How can I make you believe me? Do you want to read my thoughts? Feel free. You'll find that I'm telling you the truth."

"Jim, I am not concerned with how you are feeling now. I fear what will happen when your Human male hormones make themselves known again. In my mind this is inevitable. You are a young Human male. These are urges that you cannot deny."

He wasn't getting through to Spock. He tried a different tack. "Look, human sexuality is not like Vulcan sexuality. We don't go through Pon'Farr, with uncontrollable sexual urges. We can choose to ignore them, or better yet, channel them in a different way."

"Why would you wish to do this?"

"Because sex, in and of itself, is not that important in the grand scheme of things. It's one small part of our existence. We don't have to have it in order to be happy or fulfilled in life."

"You truly feel you could be happy without it?"

"Well, that would depend on the circumstances. I'm not saying I'll never have a girlfriend, a serious relationship. But until or unless I find someone like that, I'm content to do without it. And I no longer want to have meaningless sex with females I barely know. It just doesn't feel right to me. I didn't care before. I do now."

"You foresee having a girlfriend in the future?"

"Why not? Why should you have all the fun?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me. Uhura! Uhura is your girlfriend."

"Ah. Another Human expression. Yes, Uhura is my girlfriend."

"Too bad she doesn't have any sisters."

Spock frowned at him.

"To fix... never mind. Anyway, yes, I may someday have a girlfriend. And if I'm not jealous of yours, you shouldn't be jealous of mine." Jim watched for Spock's reaction. The Vulcan frowned at first. Then his eyebrows shot up. _By George, I think he's got it!_

"I understand now. Forgive me for taking so long to 'get it'."

_The next day..._

"Bones!"

"Hey, Jim! Come to see your lady, huh?"

"My one and only. Actually I came to see you. Can you get away for lunch? I need some advice."

"Sure. Give me, about half an hour?"

"Sounds good. I'm gonna go down and say hello to Scotty. I'll see you in thirty."

After his visit with the best engineer in Starfleet, Jim made his way back to sick bay. Bones was waiting for him. They decided to visit a restaurant at space dock, one that had down home delights like fried chicken and mashed potatoes with country gravy.

"We can't eat like this all the time," Jim said as he bit into a drumstick.

"Everything in moderation," McCoy said, smiling. "So what's on your mind?"

"I'm not sure how to tell you without freaking you out more than I probably already have."

"Are you kidding? I mind melded with you and Spock, and that didn't scar me for life. I think I'm good. So tell me."

Jim took a deep breath. _May fortune favor the foolish... _"Spock and I are thinking about doing a commitment ceremony, if there is such a thing. We may have to do some research into Vulcan soul mate bonding customs."

"I thought you two took care of that when you sealed your bond."

"We did, I guess. That's why I'm not sure we'll actually do it. But I wanted you to know about it, in case we need you to be involved. And I wanted a fresh perspective. Spock and I are a little too close to the situation right now."

"What does Uhura say about it?"

"We haven't told her. She's still on Kaleneb 3. Spock thinks they may have to break up."

"Why?"

"He feels it's unfair to her that I am, and always will be, first in his life. He says she deserves better. I can't say I disagree, but I really don't want to be the cause of them breaking up."

"I think it should be her decision, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do, and I told him that. We can't talk to her until she gets back, so we're kind of in limbo right now."

"When's she gonna be home?"

"Not till the end of the week. I'm trying to keep Spock from losing his mind over it. He's really conflicted. He doesn't want to lose her."

"Speaking of old pointy ears, where is he today?"

"He's at the apartment, doing research. I think he's gonna contact T' Pela on New Vulcan. She's the woman who verified and sealed our bond."

"Hm. You said you and Spock are too close to the situation. What does that mean, exactly?"

"Spock's a little mixed up right now, and as you might expect, when he's mixed up, I get mixed up too. He's on this tangent about what's gonna happen when I want to start pursuing women again."

"I'm surprised you haven't gotten back into it already. This has been a pretty long dry spell for you."

"That's what's weird, Bones. I haven't been interested in pursuing women. Since Spock and I bonded, the urge just isn't there. And I haven't turned gay, either. There's nothing sexual between Spock and me. I still find women attractive. I just have no interest in casual sex. Something changed when we bonded."

"Well, it sounds like a good thing. You were really gettin' outta control. I was startin' to worry you'd get careless and catch somethin'."

Jim could only grimace at that remark, because he knew Bones was right. He had been quite promiscuous right before the incident with Khan and Admiral Marcus. Before he'd died. Before he'd been resurrected, and before he'd been soul-mated to Spock.

"What about Spock? How's his relationship with Uhura? What he'll tell you, anyway. I imagine he's pretty close-lipped about that sort of thing."

"Well, I know they've only been together once since I got out of the hospital."

"That's it? That seems extreme even for a Vulcan."

"Yeah, and she's not happy about it, either. She has been away attending seminars and teaching, but not that much. In his defense, he has had to spend a lot of time caring for me."

"And I'd be willing to bet that's the rub. You're taking him away from her."

"Yep. It wasn't intentional, but still. And even now that the major crises seem to have passed, Spock and I will still have to spend time together. We have to have regular bonding sessions, mind melds and merges. Uhura has to be willing to allow us that. If she were to try to fight that fight, she would lose. Not because we'd want her to, but because there's no choice. The bond between Spock and me is stronger than any bond either of us will ever have. And you and Uhura are a part of that."

"How do you figure?"

"Because you're my other best friend, and Uhura is Spock's girlfriend. You two are in it, like it or not."

"Like it or not, huh? Well, I'm there for you if you need me. I have been since we met, and I always will be."

"Thanks, man. You know the same goes for me, right?"

"Of course. You about done? I gotta get back."

"Yeah. I'll keep you posted."

"Please do." After a quick hug, Bones was on his way back to the medical bay, and Jim was on his way home to see what Spock had found out.

_xxxxx_

After poring over everything he could find on the subject of Vulcan soul mate bonding, which wasn't much, Spock knew he had to contact T' Pela. He typed in the numbers and characters and waited. He had to leave a message for her; she was not available at the time. He knew she'd contact him as soon as she could. She had promised to be there to help if he and Jim needed her. And need her they did. Spock knew that Jim's main objective at the moment was to keep him from going 'off the deep end' over everything they were dealing with. This time it was Jim who was solidly moored and Spock who was all over the map. The complexities of Human emotion were testing his logic as well as his patience. But thankfully, the issue of Jim's sexuality seemed to have been resolved. When Jim had compared his possible future girlfriend with Uhura, Spock had finally realized that he didn't have anything to feel jealous of or selfish about. He felt rather... embarrassed. Yes, that was the emotion.

He heard the front door open. Jim was back from lunch with Dr. McCoy. As the door slid shut, his tablet beeped.

"T' Pela."

"Spock. It is agreeable to speak with you again. I see that you are once more in need of my assistance. Please tell me how I may help you."

Spock gave her a Vulcanized version of the dilemma they were facing. Meaning, he left out references to the emotional outbursts, jealousy and to Jim being a man-whore.

"You have not yet spoken to your female companion?"

"Negative. She is still off-planet and will not be home until the end of the Terran week."

"You must speak with her as soon as she arrives home and inform her of the situation. If she is amenable, you must all travel to New Vulcan to be group melded. This includes your friend Leonard McCoy. The four of you have begun to form a cohesive unit. There is much benefit to be gained by unifying your group bond."

"This group bond is not the same as the soul bond, is it?"

"It is nothing like it. Think of these people as your core group. Others may be added in time, if the conditions are right. For now, Leonard McCoy and Nyota Uhura are your core group. With them you and Jim form the cohesive unit. Soul mates will form these bonds with others who are closely involved with them in some way, such as a friend or romantic partner. If the circumstances are optimal, the cohesive unit functions in harmony, all parts supporting and protecting the whole."

Spock looked up at Jim, who was standing behind him listening to T' Pela speak. His eyes were bright and his face had the look of one who had just had a revelation.

Jim spoke. "T' Pela, may I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Jim Kirk."

"Are you saying that the four of us will be able to get along and actually enrich each other's lives?"

"That is exactly what I am saying. But you must bring Nyota Uhura into the conversation without delay."

"We will do so as soon as she arrives home," Spock said. Thank you for your assistance."

"I look forward to working with all of you at your earliest opportunity. Please contact me before you travel."

"We will do so. Live long and prosper, T' Pela."

"Live long and prosper, Spock and Jim Kirk."

T' Pela cut the link.

"Did you hear that? It's all gonna work out!" Jim was smiling as Spock had not seen him smile in quite awhile. It felt good to see his soul mate happy.

"I already told Bones to be ready to go to New Vulcan. Weird how I knew beforehand, huh?"

"You are becoming more sensitive to the unseen world with every passing day. I am proud of you, Jim."

"Thanks. Now we just need to bring Uhura onboard."


	15. Chapter 15

The end of the week finally arrived, and Uhura contacted Spock to let him know she was home. She sounded good on the com, but Spock was hesitant to hope that all was well.

"I wish to meet with you at your earliest convenience. I have something important to discuss with you."

"Sounds serious. As a matter of fact, I have something to talk to you about too. Can you come over this evening?"

"Of course. Are you certain you would not prefer to rest for a day?"

"No, I think we need to talk as soon as possible. Can you be here at 8PM?"

"I will be there. Shall I bring anything?"

"No, I'll order some take out. I'll see you tonight."

"Tonight." Uhura cut the link. Spock found he was nervous. Feeling these emotions was not as disconcerting as it once was, but it made him uncomfortable nonetheless. Still, he was looking forward to seeing Nyota.

Jim came out of the kitchen. He handed Spock a cup of tea. "Did I hear you talking to someone?"

"Nyota is home. I am going to visit her tonight."

"Spock, that's great! No waiting for her to rest up?"

"No, she said she wished to talk as soon as possible. There are several hours until I am to be there. I am nervous, Jim."

"That's understandable. You wanna go play racquetball or something? Take your mind off the passing of time?"

"That is an excellent idea." The soul mates went and played racquetball until they'd pretty much worn themselves out. They returned to Jim's apartment. They took a shower together and then Spock proposed a nap.

"You still wanna nap with me?"

"Why would I wish to stop napping with you?"

"No reason. But tonight you'll be napping with your lady. Hopefully after some vigorous lovemaking." Jim winked at Spock.

"Jim, please. You are making me uncomfortable."

"Get used to it. Don't worry; I won't prod you for details. Just make sure you convince her to come to New Vulcan with us. We can't do this thing without her."

"Our nap, Jim?"

"Right. Well, come on, then. Wanna spoon?"

"Yes, please. I feel the need to be close to you at this moment."

"I like the sound of that. Lie down." Spock lay down next to Jim. His soul mate pulled him close. Spock felt himself relax. It was difficult to be nervous in the embrace of his soul mate. He knew that these moments of closeness would become fewer as time went on, though they would never cease altogether. Still, he felt sadness at the prospect of not needing Jim as he once had. There were times when he almost welcomed his emotional meltdowns, because they meant he could be close to Jim like this.

Jim picked up on his thoughts. "Spock, we will always be close. You know we'll be spending nights together. Not all the time as we have been, but regularly. We'll be mind melding, bonding, merging. That won't ever change. No matter who comes and goes in our lives, we'll always have each other."

Spock realized this was true. He knew he'd never be alone. Jim would always be there.

_xxxxx_

Spock arrived at Nyota's apartment at exactly 8PM. As he pressed the door chime, he felt a stab of anxiety. Not a bad one, but enough to throw him just a bit off balance. There was no time to collect himself. The door opened and Nyota stood before him. She was wearing capris and a crop top. Her hair was twisted up into a knot on top of her head. Much different from how she'd been dressed at their last date, but beautiful as always. He found he wanted to take her into his arms almost desperately, but he hesitated. She looked up at him with her huge, beautiful dark eyes. He felt a stirring of arousal deep within him. As he was thinking vaguely that it was too early in the evening for such feelings, she stepped close to him.

"Well? Where's my welcome home kiss?" Now he was even more aroused, and not at all sure he could hide it from her. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. She returned the kiss, running her hands up under his shirt and over the bare skin of his back. He let out a sound that was almost a growl. He ran his hands up under the crop top and discovered that she was not wearing a bra under it. His hands cupped her bare breasts. He pushed the top up and over her head, and kissed one nipple, and then the other. She moaned softly.

"I've missed you," she whispered into his ear. At that point he gave up trying to control himself. He scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. They undressed almost frantically, clothing flying every which way as it was cast from their trembling bodies. Before Spock could react, she pushed him onto his back and straddled him. He knew there was no going back now. She loved to play at dominating him, making him lie still while she kissed and caressed him all over. It was a sweet agony that he allowed her to subject him to any time she wished. He ran his hands down her back, over her bottom and along her thighs. He knew she loved the light, feathery touch. She gasped and bent to kiss him, trapping his bottom lip between hers and sucking it gently. He moaned. He was desperate to be inside her. He was seriously considering begging her for this when he felt her take him into her hand and guide him in. His breath caught. He hoped fervently that he wouldn't lose control of himself and orgasm too quickly. It took all the mental discipline he could muster to hold back until he felt her tense and then cry out. He pushed hard up into her and pulled her tighter against him. He felt himself slip over the edge, and was rocked with an intense orgasm that took his breath away. It shuddered through him, taking with it all logic, all control, and leaving him spent and breathless.

She lay on top of him, her hair unbound now, breathing heavily, as spent as he was. After a time she lifted her head from his shoulder and kissed him gently. She smiled at him. He felt his heart constrict. He had been almost terrified of what their meeting would be like, with all the things that had happened over the last few weeks. The reality of their reunion struck an emotional chord within him, but they hadn't talked about their situation, so he still did not know if their relationship would continue. Still, he felt he must let her know how he felt in that moment.

"I love you, Nyota."

"I love you, Spock." She shifted so that she was lying in the crook of his arm, her head on his shoulder. Her leg lay across his thighs, her mocha skin contrasting with the pale, slightly greenish cast of his skin. They fell asleep for a brief time, waking up ravenous. They ate the take out she'd ordered in bed. Not long after, they made love again. As they lay enjoying the afterglow, he sensed that it was time for them to talk.

"When last we spoke, you said you needed time to think things over. Have you come to any decision?"

"Yes, I have. I've decided that what we have is worth holding onto, and if this means I have to share you with the captain, then so be it. I think the three of us need to talk and figure out where each of us stands, because this is a unique relationship. But I'm not willing to give you up."

"I am unable to articulate how happy I feel at hearing your words. I was worried... yes, worried, that you would want to break up with me. I would have understood if you had but I would not have wanted it. I love you, and I want our relationship to continue. As for the three of us talking, there is something I need to discuss with you that will ultimately facilitate this. I have spoken to T' Pela, the Vulcan who verified and sealed the bond between Jim and myself. She says that you, and Doctor McCoy, have come together with us to form what she refers to as a cohesive unit. She requests that we all travel to New Vulcan for a group mind meld. We will create a group bond. It is different from the soul bond, but it is an important bond for the four of us. Once the cohesive unit has been formed, we will each be a part of a greater whole. Because you are my lover and the doctor is Jim's other best friend, the two of you have become our core group. T' Pela will assist each of us to identify our place in the group so that we may work as a proper cohesive unit. Will you come with us to New Vulcan and establish your place in our group?"

"I will."

Spock tightened his arms around her. "Thank you, Nyota."

_xxxxx_

Jim was feeling at loose ends. Spock had gone to see Uhura, hopefully to convince her to go with them to New Vulcan for the group bonding. He also hoped the couple would decide not to break up, that Uhura would want to continue their relationship despite having to share Spock with him. If all went well, they'd be having mad passionate sex right about now. The thought made him smile. Spock could definitely benefit from getting laid. His soul mate had been entirely too wound up lately, and about the silliest things.  
_  
_He didn't want to just sit here playing video games all evening. He decided to call Bones and see if his other best friend wanted to go out for a few drinks.

"Feeling a little lonely without your soul mate there? You're not jealous, are you?"

"I'm not jealous. Jesus. I just wanted to have a few drinks with you. Do you wanna go or not?"

"Yeah, I'm up for it. You wanna go to Flannagan's?"

"Yeah. I'm on my way. I'll see you in a bit."

_At the bar..._

"A cohesive unit?"

"That's what she calls it. She says the four of us have formed it, and that you two are our core group. She wants us to go to New Vulcan so that she can help us do a group mind meld. She'll tell each of us what our place is in the group so that we can work together for the common good of all the individuals involved. It's an important bond for soul mates, who, as it turns out, need support from friends and others close to them. Are you in?"

Bones didn't say anything. Jim felt a stab of anxiety. _Oh please, Bones, don't say no. _If McCoy wasn't onboard there could be problems.

"Yeah, I'm in. Somebody has to be the voice of reason."

Jim was relieved. "Oh, thank God. For a minute there I thought you were gonna say no."

"When do we leave?"

"As soon as we can all arrange the time off. T' Pela wants us to come as soon as possible."

"Well, we all serve on a ship that's in dry dock for repairs and refit at the moment. It shouldn't be that hard to get a few days off."

Jim swirled the bourbon and ice in his glass, then drank it down in one gulp. He set the glass on the bar and signaled the bartender for another shot.

"You might wanna order a burger or somethin' if you're gonna start doin' shots."

"Isn't it weird how Spock is, hopefully, getting laid at this moment, while I've been celibate for a couple of months?"

"It is weird. Very out of character for you. It used to bug the shit outta me when you'd say you had to go study, and I knew damn well you were gonna go get busy with some green-skinned Orion girl."

Jim chuckled. "Yeah, that was me. Jim Kirk the man-whore. Find 'em, feel 'em, fuck 'em and forget 'em. It's amazing what dying, being brought back to life, and getting soul-bonded can do to improve a man."

"I'm just glad I got you back, new and improved or not."

"It's because of you that I am back."

"You're welcome, but don't go all googly-eyed and sentimental on me. You know how I hate that."

Jim shook his head. "Leonard McCoy, ever the grouchy, cynical country doctor. Grouchy, cynical and doctor don't go together, but they all describe you."

"I think you're getting drunk, captain."

"I'm not drunk. Not yet. I think tonight might be a good night for it, though."

"Why tonight, in particular?"

"I don't know. A lot of things are changing. Uhura's back and hopefully she and Spock are going to stay together. If they do, I won't be the cause of them breaking up, which was really bothering me a lot. But if they do stay together, I'll see less of him... and the side effects we've been dealing with are easing up, finally, which is good, but... it's probably gonna sound all kinds of weird to you, but I'm going to miss how close we were. How much we depended on each other. There were times when we'd just cry in each others arms over whatever crisis we were facing at the time. I won't miss that, but I will miss the closeness."

"Didn't you say you and Spock will still have to spend time together, for bonding, or whatever you call it?"

"Yeah, but it won't be as often. Maybe once a week."

"Well, that's better than nothing, and maybe you'll appreciate it more if its less often."

"I hope so. I think it'll be fine. It just kind of scares me a little, I guess. A lot of what we have is emotional. I think that's why it was hard for Spock at first. He didn't even know what was going on until he had to try to figure out why I was suddenly dying right before his eyes."

"I didn't appreciate being left out of that, you know. To hear about it after the fact was tough."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that. Everything happened so fast, there wasn't time to tell anyone anything." Jim signaled the bartender for another shot.

"Jim, are you sure you need another one?"

"I'm sure I don't need another one, but I want one. And I already ordered it, so I have to drink it."

McCoy shook his head. "Well let's order some food, then. Soak up some of that bourbon."

_xxxxx_

Bones wasn't sure that nachos were a good thing to eat to counteract too much alcohol, but that was what Jim wanted, so that was what they ate. Jim didn't eat much, but he at least got something into his stomach. Bones tried to remember how many shots Jim had done. He counted four. Hopefully his friend wouldn't get sick later. He didn't intend to let him drink any more bourbon. He wouldn't be much of a friend if he let Jim get completely shit-faced. Fortunately by the time they'd eaten the nachos, Jim seemed to be slowing down.

"You about ready to head home?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for coming out with me tonight."

"Don't mention it. That's what friends are for, right?"

"Yeah. You're a good friend, Bones. I love you, man."

"I told you not to get sentimental. Come on, let's get you home."

McCoy made sure Jim got up to his apartment and ready for bed before he left to go home himself.

"Call me if you need anything, OK?"

Jim gave him a thumbs-up. "Will do. G'night Bones."

"Goodnight Jim."

Jim had to sit up for awhile before he could go to bed, because he was just drunk enough to get the spins if he lay down. He watched part of a movie on his vidscreen, and drank a glass of water. When he felt like he was stable enough to lie down, he turned off the movie and went to bed.

He lay in the darkened bedroom, watching the sheer curtains move in a bit of breeze from the slightly open window. A night light on one wall and the ambient light from the city were the only illumination. The night light made it possible to see the contents of the room, though not the finer details. Jim reached for a pillow and hugged it. It was the one Spock slept on when he was there. He breathed in the scent of his soul mate's skin blending with the exotic, resinous scent of the bath products he used. Jim wondered if they were commercial or handmade. He'd come to love the way Spock smelled. He breathed it in again and a rush of emotion swept through him. He couldn't stop it. His eyes welled up and spilled over onto the pillow he clutched in his arms. He did miss Spock. He missed the warmth of his body, the sound of his breathing, the feel of his hand on Jim's chest when he spooned him. It still amazed him at times that he could have such deep feelings for the man without it ever becoming sexual. But it never had, and he knew it never would. Spiritual bonds felt much better, but were more sorely missed when absent. He hoped that Spock was enjoying his time with Uhura. It seemed to him that he would know if things hadn't gone well. For one thing, Spock would have come back here if they'd broken up. So it was safe to believe that things had worked out. It made him feel better about being alone. He took a few deep breaths to settle himself, and finally fell asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Slowly rising from the realm of the subconscious, Spock became aware of his surroundings. He felt the warmth of Nyota's body against his. She was sleeping curled up against him; he was spooning her. It was much different from spooning Jim. She was small and delicately built, where Jim was much the same as himself in height and weight. If he had been spooning Jim, he would be breathing into his soul mate's hair or onto his neck. Here, he was looking at the top of Nyota's head. The two were very different, but he enjoyed them both. Equally, he realized. Being with Nyota did not make him forget being with Jim. He found himself wondering how Jim was this morning. He wondered if his soul mate missed him. He was fairly certain that he did. He felt a quick twinge of guilt at thinking about Jim while he was with Nyota. He loved them both, but his bond with Jim was so strong that it was hard not to think of him. They were coming to the end of the distressing side effects which had driven out all emotional control and left them clinging to each other and weeping helplessly, or made them feel as if they would die if they could not touch each other. While he was glad to have his wits about him again, he felt sad at the ending of what had been, though traumatic, a profound bonding experience. In the course of doing research on Tal Fe'an Har, he had learned that the side effects were, in fact, a necessary part of the bonding sequence. They served to make sure the souls of the mated pair fully integrated. He was fairly certain that he and Jim were about as integrated as was possible.

_I must stop thinking about Jim while I am with Nyota. _He needed to get up, so he carefully separated himself from her and rolled gently off the bed. After a visit to the bathroom, he returned to the bedroom and rejoined his lover. She stirred and opened her eyes. She turned in his arms and looked up at him.

"Good morning," he said to her.

"Good morning." She kissed him quickly. "I'll be right back." She left the bed and took her turn in the bathroom. She came back and lay down, facing him. He looked past her at the clock on the nightstand. It was just before 7AM. This was the last day of his medical leave after the accident on Altair 4. He returned to the Enterprise tomorrow, unless they went to New Vulcan.

"When do you return to work aboard the Enterprise?" he asked her.

"Not for another three months. I have two more teaching engagements and a seminar before I go back."

"Where will you be going?"

"The first one is here, six weeks at the academy. Then I go to Boston to teach there. Then back here for the seminar."

"You will be quite busy. It is a testament to your skill and talent in xenolinguistics. I am proud of you."

"Thank you. I'm glad I don't have to go off planet this time."

"As am I. Will you be able to fit in a trip to New Vulcan?"

"I have next week off. Will we be able to go next week?"

"We will have to. T' Pela wants us to go as soon as possible. I will speak to Doctor McCoy. He is the only other one of us who must arrange for time off."

"What about you?"

"I can assign someone to take over my duties for another week. Most of my work lately has been calibrating sensors and helping install equipment in stellar cartography. The new main sensor array is installed and has been calibrated, though it will have to be fine tuned just before the start of the mission. There is nothing that requires my presence at the moment."

"Well, before you run off and start making travel arrangements, how about a shower and some breakfast?"

"I believe I have time for both activities."

_xxxxx_

Jim woke to the sun streaming in the bedroom window. He looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was just before 7AM. He rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom. He had a headache, so he took a dose of pain killers. He'd been up late and wasn't ready to face the world just yet, so he went back to bed. He curled up on his side and grabbed the same pillow he'd been hugging last night. The one that had Spock's scent on it. He felt his throat tighten. _Dammit! _He was tempted to throw the pillow across the room, away from him. But he couldn't do it. _Shit, maybe the side effects haven't worn off after all. _The emotion he was feeling seemed out of proportion to something as simple as Spock spending the night somewhere else. He knew where his soul mate was and what he was doing. It wasn't that he was with Nyota. Jim was happy for Spock about that. He wasn't jealous. This wasn't anything like that. It was simply that he missed his soul mate. Pure and simple, not tainted by anything unsavory. There was a lot about this whole soul mate thing that he still didn't understand. Having learned that the side effects were actually a necessary part of the bonding sequence had helped him to feel a little better about the emotional roller coaster he seemed to be on so much of the time. Spock was on that ride as well, which was a great comfort. _No need to freak out. You know where he is and what he's doing. And you know he hasn't forgotten you. _He took a few deep breaths, hugged the pillow close against him, and fell asleep.

Jim was dreaming...

He was in a car, like the one he'd driven off the cliff as a child. He couldn't tell what make or model it was, but it was an antique, and he was driving it very fast. He was racing across a flat landscape, similar to the seemingly unending plains of Iowa, but the colors were off. The landscape looked more like fields of lavender flowers than wheat or corn. He was driving so fast it felt like he was flying, like he was in a space craft rather than a car. But the top was down on the car and he could feel the wind around him, and the sun was bright overhead.

As he raced along, he became aware that the road was ending, again, like the end of that road back home where he'd narrowly escaped following his step father's car over the edge. But this time, instead of downshifting and hitting the brakes, he hit the gas and accelerated, pushing the small car to the limit of it's speed capability. He saw the road's end, saw the vast canyon beyond it. He knew he was about to drive off into empty air, but he wasn't afraid. He let out a loud yell as the car flew off the edge. But the car didn't fall. Instead, it soared up into the sky, higher and higher until he passed out of Earth's atmosphere and into space. Somewhere in his mind it occurred to him that he shouldn't be able to fly in the vacuum in something open like a sports car. He looked around at the black of space, looked down and saw Earth far below him. He passed Luna and kept on going. He had no idea where he was heading, so he sat back and enjoyed the ride.

Presently he noticed a planet ahead, one that he was careening toward at near warp speed. The surface was almost entirely desert with just a few rivers and small lakes or oceans. It looked like Vulcan. But Vulcan was gone, destroyed by Nero. Was this New Vulcan? He had only seen it once, on the return trip to Earth after he and Spock sealed their soul mate bond. He didn't remember much; he'd still been pretty out of it at that point. But it seemed to him that the planet ahead of him was, in fact, New Vulcan. But where was Spock? And Uhura and Bones? They were supposed to be here too. He had to go back and get them, but how could he turn this car around and get back home? Spock would know, but Spock wasn't here... or was he?

"Jim. Jim, wake up." Jim was fighting to get out of the dream, get the car turned around, and then he was hearing Spock's voice. "Jim, you are dreaming. Wake up." He felt gentle fingers on his face. Spock was here? He was trying to wake him. He was initiating a mind meld. Suddenly the car stopped like the Enterprise being manually dropped out of warp. He flew forward, over the windshield and out of the car. He floated in empty space for a few seconds, then heard Spock's voice in his mind.

_JIM. WAKE UP!_

Jim's eyes flew open. He gasped, trying to catch his breath. He looked up. Spock was sitting on the bed beside him, a look of concern furrowing his brows. Jim felt like he'd been running. He was having trouble catching his breath. They were out of the mind meld now and Spock was just looking at him.

"You frightened me," Spock said. "Were you having a nightmare?"

Jim was still breathing heavily. After a few seconds, he answered. "It wasn't a nightmare, but it was a really vivid dream." He sat up. His breathing started to slow, and he felt himself relax.

"What time is it?" He answered his own question by turning to look at the clock on the nightstand. "Jeez, it's almost noon. I didn't mean to sleep this long."

"Dreams will sometimes keep a person in REM sleep. Or perhaps you just needed the extra rest."

"Yeah, maybe. I gotta pee," Jim said as he untangled himself from the sheets. He made his way to the bathroom. On his way out, he glanced at himself in the mirror. "Oh, shit," he said, and then went back to the bed. He sat down beside his soul mate.

"I don't think the side effects are going away yet."

"Why do you say this?"

"Because I cried over you last night and this morning. Look at my eyes." When he'd looked in the mirror he'd noticed his eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. "I was missing you. Really badly. I was hugging your pillow and I caught your scent on it, and that made me cry. Something's not right, Spock. We're supposed to be coming to the end of that, aren't we?"

"We are. When we reach New Vulcan, we will seek advice from T' Pela."

"I hope we're gonna do that soon."

"We leave in two days."

"Really? Everyone got clearance to go off planet?"

"Yes, all of us."

"Since I didn't hear from you last night, I'm guessing that things went well between you and Uhura."

"Very well indeed. We are remaining a couple, and she is going with us to New Vulcan."

Jim was relieved. "I am so glad to hear that. I was worried, you know? I really didn't want to be the cause of you guys breaking up."

"You are not. My relationship with Nyota is strong."

"Good. It wasn't because you were with her that I got so upset. I'm happy for you two. All I could come up with for an explanation was just that I missed you. Plain and simple. It was weird. Hopefully T' Pela can explain it."

"I am confident that she will. Would you like to get out of the apartment for awhile?"

"Yeah. I'm hungry. You wanna go get lunch?"

"As you would say, 'let's do it'."


	17. Chapter 17

The trip to New Vulcan was quiet. It was almost as if the group was afraid to speak. Jim sat with Bones, and Spock and Uhura sat together. Jim regarded his soul mate sitting close to Nyota, the two of them holding hands, not speaking. He felt no jealousy. There was no sense of being neglected or slighted. Jim knew he was the one person who who would never lack Spock's love or his attention. There was no pride or sense of superiority in this. It was simply a fact. He would be able to share Spock with Uhura without hesitation, knowing that Spock's deepest, most enduring commitment was to him.

The group knew they had reached their destination when the transport ship dropped out of warp. New Vulcan came into view. Soon they would be landing and meeting with T' Pela. Jim wondered what this group bonding ceremony would be like. If it was anything like the testing and sealing of their bond, T' Pela would get right to the point with a minimal amount of fanfare, which was just fine with him.

They disembarked and gathered up their luggage. They would be spending the night in the small village closest to the home of T' Lara and T' Pela. A chance to rest and prepare for the ceremony tomorrow. The accommodation was similar to a small hotel on Earth. The group occupied one wing of the building. They each had their own room. Jim would have been happy to share a room with Bones and let Spock and Uhura share a room, and he knew it might end up that way before the morning. Bones might want to visit with him and Uhura would want to be with Spock.

The group ate a delicious meal of Vulcan food that was the highest in protein of the native offerings. Terrans needed significantly more protein than Vulcans. Jim was grateful for the effort T' Pela had made to make his friends comfortable.

"So do either of you two have any idea what to expect tomorrow?" McCoy asked.

"Well, it's going to be a mind meld," Jim said. "We've all taken part in them, haven't we?" He looked at Uhura. She nodded. He knew she would have to have melded with Spock at some point.

"T' Pela isn't one for fanfare, so she will get right to the point. Spock, you probably have a better idea of what to expect than I do."

Spock nodded. "T' Pela will bring us into a group mind meld, one at a time. She will explain the Cohesive Unit and the place each of you occupy as part of our core group. She will tell Jim and I what our places are in the group as well. It will not be a lengthy ceremony. Jim is correct in stating that T' Pela is not one for fanfare."

"Do we need to do anything to prepare ourselves?" Uhura asked.

"Just get a good night's rest." Jim said.

The group sat talking a while longer, and then each retired to their rooms. Jim was unpacking when he heard a soft knock at his door. "Come in, Spock." He wasn't sure how, but he knew it was his soul mate. The door opened and Spock came in.

"I was hoping to spend some time with you before retiring for the evening. Nyota and I are going to sleep together."

"I would have expected nothing less," Jim said with a smile.

"I knew that it would be acceptable to you, but I felt it necessary to inform you."

"It wasn't necessary but I appreciate the thought."

"I told Nyota that I was coming to see you. She was supportive of this."

"I'm glad you did. You wanna just sit and talk, or watch a video?"

Spock hesitated a moment and then said, "I would like to be physically close to you. Would you be amenable to this?"

"Always. You didn't tell Uhura you were coming over here for that, did you?"

"I did not, but she may draw that conclusion on her own."

"You're OK with it? Spending some close time with me and then going back to her?"

"If you are asking me if I feel like I am in some way being unfaithful to her by being with you, I do not. The relationship is entirely different, as we have discussed before."

"True. Well, I'm glad you came over. I could use a snuggle with my soul mate right about now."

Spock was already dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt. Jim followed suit, and the two lay down together. Jim pulled Spock against him and rested his hand on the Vulcan's chest. He felt Spock draw a deep breath and let it out slowly. Jim mimicked him. It felt good to have Spock this close. Jim was comfortable and started to get sleepy.

"We gotta make sure we don't fall asleep, or if we do, that it's not for long. Have you got an internal timer you can set?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. How long shall we visit?"

"Thirty minutes? That'll give us a little time but not enough to make Uhura wonder what the hell happened to you. I don't want to take you away from her for longer than that."

"Very well. Thirty minutes it is." The soul mates relaxed into each other's embrace. The next time Jim woke up, it was early morning.

"So what time is this thing gonna happen?" Bones asked as the group was walking toward the eating area.

"T' Pela instructed us to have breakfast," Spock replied. "She will be arriving to pick us up in about 2 hours." They all sat down at a table together. Tea was served. Jim missed his coffee, but the tea had a fair amount of caffeine and was strong enough in flavor to be an adequate substitute. Breakfast consisted of the Vulcan pastries he and Spock would get from the bakery at home, but these were the real deal, with Vulcan fruits and spices. There were various vegetables and legumes prepared as a casserole that was delicious and satisfying.

"I'm surprised it's not warmer in here," Uhura commented.

"The staff is attempting to make you Humans more comfortable by adjusting the environmental controls."

"Does it feel cold to you, Spock?" McCoy asked.

"Not particularly, but I have lived among Humans for quite some time and have adjusted to the cooler temperature."

Bones looked at Jim. "You're quiet this morning. Everything OK?"

"I'm fine, just giving my attention to my food. Remember when we had breakfast that morning, Spock, and I told you I wanted to taste a turnover with Vulcan fruit in it?"

"I do. You had to come all the way to New Vulcan to try one. What do you think?"

"I like it." Jim picked up the turnover and took another bite.

"It's not sweet enough for me," Bones said.

"I haven't been able to get used to the spices," Uhura added. "They just don't taste right to me."

"It's different, I'll give you that. But I really like it."

The conversation continued, meandering over varied topics. Uhura told them about her teaching gigs. Everyone expressed anticipation about getting back on board the Enterprise. They talked about the refit and the new equipment. Finally the conversation came around to the upcoming group mind meld.

"I don't know about anyone else, but I'm a little nervous," Uhura said.

"I'm more than a little nervous," Bones added. "More like mildly terrified."

"You guys are funny," Jim said, smiling. "It's a mind meld, not electroshock therapy. T' Pela is a great teacher and guide. We're in good hands."

"Not only is she an excellent guide," Spock said, "she is also very open minded, unlike some Vulcans."

"Meaning what?" McCoy asked.

"Meaning she has no prejudice against Humans," Jim answered.

"I can't see this even happening if she did," Bones put in.

"Indeed. We have approximately one hour until she arrives to take us to her home. I suggest we all take some time to relax and quiet our thoughts in preparation for the mind meld."

Each of the group members retired to their own rooms. It seemed like the right thing to do; each one free to prepare in their own way. Jim would have liked to talk to Spock, but he knew now was not the time.

About an hour later, T' Lara arrived to escort them to their home, where the ceremony would take place.

"T' Pela is preparing for the mind meld, which is why I am here to bring you to our home."

"T' Lara is T' Pela's mother," Jim explained to Bones and Uhura. The group boarded a shuttle and flew past the outskirts of the village to the house where the two women lived. T' Pela greeted them as they arrived.

"Please follow me," she instructed. They followed her to a room in the home that Jim and Spock had not seen before. It was not a large room, and was only sparsely furnished. There were sconces on the walls with candles burning, and an altar with a stone jar from which incense smoke rose. Jim felt at peace the moment he walked into the room. He looked around at his friends. They all looked at peace as well.

"I am T' Pela, and I will be leading our group mind meld. Jim and Spock know me, for it was I who verified and sealed their soul mate bond. Nyota Uhura and Leonard McCoy, welcome to our home. Has anyone any questions before we begin?" No one spoke.

"Very well. "Please join hands," T' Pela said. "Jim here, Spock to your right, Nyota, and then Leonard."

The four of them joined hands in the order she instructed. "I will bring each of you in, beginning with Jim, then Spock, Nyota and Leonard. You may feel a slight shock or be startled at the initiation of the meld. This is common, especially among non-Vulcans."

One by one she brought them in. Jim was always startled by the initiation of a mind meld, but he recovered quickly. T' Pela then brought Spock in. He appeared, standing beside Jim. Uhura shimmered into view next. Bones was the last to be brought in. They were all standing as they were in the physical world. T' Pela moved around the outside of the circle they formed.

T' Pela spoke. "The four of you form the cohesive unit of the soul mates Jim Kirk and Spock. Nyota Uhura and Leonard McCoy, you have become their core group. You were chosen because you are close to the soul mates in a personal way. A lover and a dear friend. To be chosen as part of a cohesive unit is a great honor. It means that Jim and Spock trust you with their lives both here and on the physical plane."

T' Pela put her hands on McCoy's shoulders. "Leonard McCoy. You are a healer by profession but you will be a mediator in this group. Ever the pragmatic one, you are the voice of reason amid the chaos that can occur when Jim and Spock disagree, or when Jim's enthusiasm overruns his common sense."

She moved on to Uhura. "Nyota Uhura. You are the teacher, both in your work for Starfleet and in this group. You will teach emotion to Spock, patience to Jim, and humor to Leonard. You will learn the many kinds of love there are to be gifted with."

She placed her hands on Spock's shoulders. Jim watched his eyes close. "Spock. True to your Vulcan heritage, you are the intellect, the logic. You are the one who makes sense of the abstract. You are the problem solver. You and Jim will balance each other."

Jim felt her place her hands on his shoulders. "Jim Kirk. You are the leader who leads with his heart as well as his intellect. The protector who stops at nothing to insure the well-being of those with whom he has been entrusted. You inspire courage, compassion and loyalty. You have learned wisdom, humility and responsibility. Commanding officer, trusted friend, beloved soul mate, you are the heart of this group."

Jim was shocked by T' Pela's words. He was the heart of the group? He was expecting Spock to be the group's heart, being the only one of Vulcan blood. Jim didn't feel he deserved the honor T' Pela had bestowed on him. T' Pela heard his thoughts.

"It is because you have learned humility that you are the heart. It is a chance for you to put to use what you have learned through your recent trials. As you are the captain of the Enterprise crew, so shall you be the leader of this group. Both carry great responsibility. You are ready for the challenge." T' Pela stepped back a pace and raised her voice as if talking to an outside force. The Universe? Jim wasn't certain.

"Behold the Cohesive Unit of the soul mates Jim Kirk and Spock. May their bonds never be broken. As the soul mate bond is for eternity, may this group be eternal as well." She lowered her voice to address the four of them. "I will bring you out of the meld now. Live long and prosper."

The next thing Jim knew, they were standing together in the sanctuary where they'd started. Jim looked around at his friends.

"Holy shit," Bones said.

"That was incredible," Uhura put in.

Spock looked at Jim. "I believe this calls for what is referred to as a group hug." The four of them came together, arms around each other. Jim was still trying to process what had been said in the meld. He was still unsure that he deserved to be their leader. Spock picked up his thoughts.

"Jim, you were born to be a leader. It is your first, best destiny. Anything less would be a waste of material."

"I agree," said Uhura.

"So do I," Bones replied.

Jim smiled. "Thank you. I'm honored. I'm still not sure I deserve it, but I'll do my best to earn it."


	18. Chapter 18

Before the group left to go back to the village, T' Pela took Jim and Spock into her private meditation room. "You mentioned wanting to speak with me about a matter of concern. I am at your service."

"I have some questions about the side effects of the bonding," Jim said. "It seems to me that the emotional aspect isn't subsiding like I thought it would. Any information you can provide would be much appeciated."

"As I stated during the group meld, you lead with your heart as well as your intellect," T' Pela began. "I believe the Earth analogy is that you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are a man of deep feeling. It has always been so. This has made the emotional effects more pronounced. There is also the fact that you are Human. I know that you have been frustrated by this, but in truth it has helped you to integrate more strongly and deeply with your soul mate. There has been much that is completely foreign to you. Spock has experienced this as well. For a Vulcan, to be engulfed in emotion that is beyond one's control is distressing, to put it mildy. The fact that you are half Human, Spock, has made it just a bit easier, but it has been a challenge all the same.

Going forward, you will indeed see a return to control and calm in regard to your emotional balance. Have you not noticed, Jim, that you are looking at the Tal Fe'an Har slightly differently? Have you not recently begun to realize that you need not miss Spock, for he is always with you? Even if the two of you are not physically close to each other, the bond remains equally strong. This does not mean that you have no privacy. It does mean that no matter where you are or what you are doing, you are a part of each other's lives."

"I have noticed it. An example is Spock's relationship with Uhura. I'm in no way threatened by it. I love Spock and I want him to be happy. I'm glad he has Uhura in his life. She's a remarkable woman. I know that Spock's deepest, most enduring bond is with me, and finally, I feel like I can relax and just celebrate our relationship."

"This tells me that the two of you have fully integrated, which means that all the parts of your lives that have felt out of balance have righted themselves. All the pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. You will still need to spend time together; mind melding, bonding, merging. It is necessary for soul mates to come together here and on the ethereal plane regularly."

"How often do you suggest we do this?" Spock asked.

"I would say that one day out of each Earth week will be sufficient. No less, and it should be the same day each week. You must come together, eat a meal, spend time in recreational activities, be they physical or not. You must mind meld, bond, merge, and spend a sleep period together. Then you may go about your lives until the same day in the next week. Will you be able to do this?"

"Definitely," Jim said. Spock nodded in agreement.

"There is something I would like to teach you that you will find enhances your bond. As you know, you do not remember your merges when you are in the physical world. Do you understand why this is the case?"

Both men nodded. "The memory would be too distracting," Jim said.

"Correct. However, I can teach you to do a smaller version of the merging which can be done on the physical plane. If I were to put it in Earth terms, I would call it a mini merge. Shorter, less intense, it will be something you can do any time you have a few moments alone. It will be pleasurable and will help to keep your bond strong. Would you like to learn this?"

"Yes," the soul mates said in unison.

"Very well. You will establish a light mind meld to bring your souls into close contact. Think of holding each other's ethereal hands. The energy will pass between you through the joining. You will experience a climax but it will be light, just enough to bring you a pleasant feeling of release. It takes only a few minutes to do. I will show you what to do and then move out of the meld and out of this room so that you may experience it unobserved. Are you ready?"

Jim and Spock looked at each other, then back at T' Pela. "Ready," Jim said. Spock merely nodded. The soul mates touched each other's faces and initiated the meld. T' Pela touched them both and joined in. They were melded, but still on the physical plane.

"Join hands," T' Pela said. The Human and the Vulcan did as she instructed.

"You must do this with intent. The intent is to bring each other a moment of pleasure and release. Try to do this now."

Jim reached out to Spock, and felt the Vulcan reach toward him. Their souls touched, and Jim gasped.

"I will leave now." Suddenly T' Pela was gone from the meld and was walking out the door, closing it behind her.

"I feel it. Do you?" Jim asked Spock.

"I feel it. It is pleasurable."

"Yeah it is. Let's try to get all the way through it. She said it wouldn't take long..." Jim reached out with his soul and touched Spock's center. Spock responded in kind. When their energies began to blend it set off a wave of pleasure that flowed from each of them into the other, and the climax came when their energies merged. It was just like T' Pela had described it; quick, easy and very satisfying. It left their souls resonating with contentment.

"That was nice," Jim said.

Spock took a deep breath and let it out. "Very nice, indeed."

_back on Earth..._

Jim heard his door chime. He smiled. He knew who it was at the door. He went and answered it.

"Why didn't you just come in?" he asked Spock.

"I felt that a bit of formality was called for since this is our first official soul mate date."

Jim laughed. He stepped aside to let Spock into the apartment. "Our first date, huh? I hope we aren't as nervous as we'd be if we were on a real first date."

Spock pulled Jim into a warm embrace. "I am not nervous at all." The soul mates did a quick mini merge. The sensation was really little more than that of a satisfying sneeze, but it was enough to leave them both feeling relaxed and happy. They rested their heads on each other's shoulders for a moment, savoring the pleasant sensation. They pulled apart and Spock followed Jim into the living room.

"Do you remember what you promised we'd do tonight?" Jim asked.

"Yes. I will play one of your antique video games with you."

"Yep. To be honest, I'm sure you'll get bored pretty quickly. They don't exactly require a lot brain cells to play."

"Why, then, do you find them so fascinating?"

"Because they're fun. You wanna eat first? Dinner is ready, so we can eat now or wait. It's up to you."

"Let us play a game, or part of one, first. I am curious to see which one you have chosen for me to try."

"OK. This one is what they call a hidden object game. There'll be a scene with a list of objects to find. I think the only thing you may have trouble with is the names of things. Ready to give it a shot?"

"I am ready."

Jim sat down at the desk and pulled up the game on his antique computer. It was amazing to him that he'd been able to find anyone who had, or could create the parts to keep it functioning. He only used it for these games. Luckily he had the accompanying disks in case the computer should ever crash. There were many games that could be played on a modern tablet, but these were fun because they were ancient, with graphics that couldn't be found on newer games. He skipped the opening credits, turned off the tutorial and got the first scene ready.

"OK. See the list on the left side of the screen? Those are the objects you have to find. Don't expect there to be any pattern or organization to it. The objects could be anywhere in the scene, blended into other things, the same color as something under them, etc."

He got up and Spock sat down in front of the monitor. Jim brought a chair from the kitchen and sat next to him. Jim had been lucky enough to find a guy who had the old-fashioned mouse pointers. Spock had seen him play these games before so he knew the basics. Jim watched him quickly scan the list of objects and then begin to study the scene. He expected Spock to complain about how looking for a piece of cake in a tree was not logical, but Spock didn't say a word. He just started finding objects.

"When I find an object, I am to click on it with the pointer, am I not?"

"Yes. Click on it and it will disappear from the scene and from the list." Spock found the objects fairly quickly, pausing a few times to ask Jim for a definition of something if he didn't understand the term.

"What is a safety pin?" he asked.

"An old fashioned fastening device for clothing or cloth. Look." On the desk, Jim traced the shape of a safety pin. Spock watched his finger move over the desk.

"Once more, if you please." Jim repeated the motion. Spock turned his attention back to the scene. After a moment of study, he clicked on the safety pin. It wasn't long before his soul mate had cleared the scene.

"See, I knew this would be too easy for you. Maybe we'll try a match 3 next. But right now, let's eat."

The two of them made their way to the kitchen. Jim pulled a casserole dish from the oven and set it on the cooktop. Spock pulled dishes and utensils from cupboards and drawers and set the table. Jim opened the refrigerator.

"You want iced tea?" he asked Spock.

"Do you have any beer?"

"Of course I have beer." He pulled two bottles out and handed one to Spock. "You sure you can handle that?" Jim winked at his soul mate.

Spock lifted an eyebrow. "I am certain that I can handle it. Probably better than you can."

"I wouldn't doubt it." Jim put a trivet on the table and set the casserole on it. He handed Spock a serving spoon. Spock dipped into the casserole and loaded his plate.

"What is this?"

"It's called Shepherd's Pie. It's basically a stew with mashed potatoes on top. It's got some fake meat in it, and it's vegan. No milk or butter in the potatoes."

"I would not have expected to find you eating vegetarian or vegan food. Humans are omnivores, but in my observation you have always leaned more towards being a carnivore."

"It never hurts to be adaptable. You never know what you might have to eat in order to survive. Besides, the meatless stuff is really not that bad as long as you don't expect it to taste like the real thing. What's important is to get enough protein."

"Speaking of taste, this is quite good. How did you prepare the mashed potatoes without using milk or butter?"

"Almond milk and margarine. I wasn't sure it would work, but they taste fine to me."

"We are in complete agreement. Thank you for making the effort. You could just as easily have ordered take out."

"On our first official soul mate date? No way. Silly human that I am, I wanted to make this night special."

Spock gave him a serious look. "Any time we spend together is special, Jim. Surely you know this by now."

Jim chuckled. "Just eat your dinner. Jeez."

After dinner, Jim showed Spock a match 3 game. As he expected, the concept was far too simplistic for his soul mate to really enjoy. Jim didn't mind; the important thing was that he'd finally talked Spock into playing the games with him, and it filled the requirement of recreational activity. When they'd shut down the ancient computer, they took their beers and went outside on the veranda to watch the lights of the city and enjoy the evening. It was a little too cool to be comfortable for Spock without some sort of jacket. He was wearing one that belonged to Jim, since he'd neglected to bring one of his own. _Good thing we're the same height and build, _Jim thought as he glanced at Spock. The Vulcan looked just slightly incongruous with his delicately pointed ears wearing a jacket that was red plaid on the outside. The thought made Jim smile. Spock noticed Jim's expression.

"If I may inquire, why are you smiling at me?"

"That jacket doesn't go with your ears."

Spock looked puzzled. "I beg your pardon?"

"A Vulcan wearing a red plaid jacket just looks incongruous. It's not something you'd normally wear, that's all. You wanna watch a movie?"

"Perhaps later. Right now..." They had been standing side by side at the railing of the veranda. Spock moved behind Jim and put his arms around his friend. Jim couldn't help but notice that Spock seemed a bit more affectionate than usual. Not that he minded. Their relationship wasn't sexual, but there was definitely a physical element to it. It felt good to be close to his soul mate. He loved feeling Spock's arms around him. The sensation always started in his heart and flowed from there, permeating his being with comfort, joy, and love. He pulled in a deep breath and let it out. Of all the sentient beings in the Universe, he had been chosen to be Spock's soul mate. Again, he wondered what he had done to deserve this incredible gift.

"I wonder what I have done to deserve you," Spock said, his voice low and resonant in Jim's ear.

"Were you reading my mind?"

"Not really. More like picking up your thoughts. It is easy when we are this close."

Jim put his hands over Spock's. "I didn't think it was possible to love someone the way I love you."

Spock didn't answer. At least, not in words. Instead, he tightened his embrace and then, to Jim's surprise, he kissed the side of his neck gently. He'd never done that before. That Spock would gift him with such an intimate gesture told him that his soul mate felt as he did. Jim felt a surge of emotion, but this time it was manageable, not causing him to break down weeping, only making him tear up ever so slightly. It passed and in it's wake was a profound feeling of joy and gratitude. Jim knew he was where he belonged. They stood together a few minutes longer, and then Spock turned Jim to face him.

"What movie did you have in mind?"

"Let's go look at what I have." Jim didn't want to have to explain the humor through a whole movie, so he chose an old action adventure film rather than a comedy. Something where they chased each other in vintage cars and shot each other with guns that fired lead projectiles was something that didn't require a lot of explaining. They'd done the same thing many times recently, just in modern vehicles with modern weapons. This movie had a lot of car chasing, shooting and blowing things up. They found themselves discussing the differences between the antique weapons and modern ones. Old style guns were much more dangerous than modern phasers, because they couldn't be set to not kill.

The movie ended and they sat quietly for a time. Finally Jim broke the silence.

"Are you ready for a mind meld?"

"I have been looking forward to it."

"We could have skipped the movie."

"No. I have enjoyed the anticipation."

Jim felt something do a flip inside him, right between his heart and his solar plexus. They used to call it 'butterflies in the stomach'. Maybe they still did. It made him realize he'd been anticipating their joining as well.

"Me too." He stood and offered Spock his hand. Spock took it and Jim pulled him to his feet. "Come on." He led his soul mate to the bedroom. They undressed and got into pajama pants and t-shirts. They sat on the bed in their now customary position; Spock sitting cross-legged, Jim facing him with his legs over Spock's. They each leaned forward until their foreheads touched. They clasped hands and started the mind meld. Jim had his usual flash of being startled, but it seemed as if it was not quite as much as usual. He forgot about it when he found himself standing beside Spock on the ethereal plane. He looked around at the featureless landscape, then looked at Spock. They both closed their eyes and when they opened them they were standing at Jim's airlock door, his entrance to their combined sanctuaries. He opened the door and they went inside. He turned and locked the door behind them. His room still had no features. He just hadn't had the opportunity to do anything with it yet. They went quickly through the merging chamber and into Spock's room. Having looked around and acknowledged it, so to speak, they went back to the merging chamber. They faced each other. Not in the physical body but still seeing themselves as if they were, they moved toward each other. Their souls overlapped and boundaries that were barely existent to begin with melted away. Jim felt a shiver go through him as their ethereal bodies began to merge. The energy of this merging was what brought them pleasure. The harmony of their joined souls intensified the sensation. Instead of one seducing the other, as Jim had done to Spock on one occasion, this time they moved into and around each other, playfully touching, teasing, caressing. It was like a dance, one with light steps and twirls and dips. Ever higher they climbed, sensations flowing, excitement building, until at last they could hold back no longer. The climax rocked through them, making them both cry out and then clutch each other as wave after wave of pleasure swept through them. Their souls locked together as they rode the tide of release, until finally the waves began to recede. Their souls unlocked but remained joined, and their ethereal bodies held each other in the afterglow of pure, unconditional love.

Jim was the first to speak. "Oh my God, that was incredible."

"It was indescribably satisfying," Spock replied. They held each other gently, tenderly, savoring the resonating hum of their joined souls. Finally it began to diminish and they knew it was time to go back to the physical realm.

"I bet we'll sleep well tonight," Jim said. "It's so weird though. We won't know why we feel so good."

"We will know that whatever made us feel so good was something we did together. That will be enough."

"Yeah, and there's always the mini merge."

"Which is more than adequate for the physical realm."

"OK, well, let's go back." They made the transition and found themselves sitting on the bed as they always did after a meld/bond/merge.

"I'm gonna sleep good tonight," Jim said.

"As will I. As always when I am with you."


End file.
